Look What You've Created

Look What You've Created

A Poem by Tasha
"

The mess someone has made someone else become

"
Look what you've created!
a monster,
the devil,
someone who doesn't care about any body else

You've infested her with the
" That's  not my problem syndrome "
you've made her turn against her friends
all because you say you love her,

But you don't love her,
you just want to use her;
and pump her like a cow,
until the milk runs dry
then  you run like a coward

You say you care about her,
but you don't care about anybody
but yourself,
you selfish low life!

Look what you've created,
a lion that can't be tamed,
a Tasmanian devil...
its you that  created her...

But in the end, you're just going to hurt her.



© 2011 Tasha



Author's Note

 Tasha
I read a facebook status about someone who "cares" about their girlfriend but she turned into a monster, and then I wrote this. This is definitely not my best, but I hope you guys like it.

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Featured Review

This is good, but you could tighten it up a bit. Leave the imagery and metaphors to speak for themselves and leave out "but you just don't love her" and "You say you just don't care about her" lines. Keep the stuff about milk, cows and lions and devils. Those are vivid images. Thanks for sharing. Keep working at it :-)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

this strikes so many cords with me. So true. Beautifully written.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

no its awesome!!! i had that happen to a friend of mine too and i wrote a poem about it, but from a different standpoint... (i killed her in the poem lol)...anyways if you wanna check it out it's called fantasy

anyways i love your poem! how what i call un-love can make people so crazy!!! great write!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I think it's brilliant, so much emotion and the rhyme is dramatic and full of flare.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like it good work

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

OH boy do I get this one. I could write a legendary book on this. You presented just as it should be pointing out the obvious ....it seems to be saying (he) dressed in lambs clothes devoured the best of her!!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It def. gets the point across. not bad at all. :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I loved this piece. The way people treat other people is terrible. They use them for their own selfish purposes and when they are done they throw them off to the side like nothing. Great piece. Thank you for sharing.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Actually, this is a very good piece. To me, I could feel the passion and severity of the words. They sting like a bee, but hang in my mind!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

very interesting take on a age old problem you gave it a new voice

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like this. My little cousin is going through the exact same thing. She used to be so sweet... Now she's crazy and not very nice all because she's dating some guy she thinks they will be together forever.. Ha. Well write and good job:)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on June 1, 2011
Last Updated on June 1, 2011

Author

 Tasha
Tasha

NC



About
Hey, I'm 18 years old and I love writing. "To know me is to love me" "Every heart has a beat and mine just skips for you" Wanna know more? Message me I love to make new friends. &heart.. more..

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