Broken Melody II

This is a new version of a poem I wrote when I first joined the cafe, or thereabouts

Softly it murmurs an alluring melody;

She rests her head against the warmth

of its earthly home, as she listens intently to

its seductive song.

 

The music comforts her with beautiful tones;

mysterious compositions of impassioned love

remain locked behind its walls; she searches 

for a key she cannot find.

Standing outside, the silence is deafening;

staring into its windows, she longingly searches

for the sweet sound she so needs to hear again, 

as it draws the curtains. 

Slowly, she turns and walks away, her sorrow hidden

beneath pride; glancing over her shoulder she strains

to hear one last beat, but its music no longer plays

for her.  It is then that she realizes, it never did.

Author's Note

I am rewriting a few old poems, and this is one of them. I see a big difference in my writing style between then and now. The original version is still posted here as well. Feel free to suggest if you see something that needs more work. Improvement is my goal. Thanks!

Reviews

[Touché Armada]

I think of the song symphony of life when I read this, dont know if you know it so here:

"Symphony For Life" sung by Tina Arena...

Stars are shinning in your eyes
And I begin to realise
That our paths through times unbroken
Do you know what it's like
When a mirror never lies
And the truth remands unspoken
And we dance into the fire
'Cause our spirits take us higher
Do you feel me now
Burning like a flame
If you touch me
I may disappear
Floating through your eyes
How do we resist
The gravity of love
In the symphony of life
There's a place I've never been
Where there's angels gathering
and they talk about the future
When the simple things in life
Can do more to satisfy
Let the wisdom be my teacher
You can have all that you desire
But it may not take you higher
Do you feel me now
Burning like a flame
If you touch me
I may disappear����..

I guess its all about what person feels personally, whether its shared or not is almost inconsequential, because we all have out own inner song and music, and unless you happen to be a talented musician or entirely promiscuous its all inner dialogue� you can listen to the birds sing, but they don't sing for us no matter how much we happen to love their twitters, and the same applies to everything around us, part of the orchestra but most people are playing specifically for their conductor and that would be the one with the flashy hand moves. But there is no reason why anyone shouldn't stay around to enjoy the sceptical.
Edit: Oops lol spectacle I meant spectacle.

[LlamaLord]

"glancing over her shoulder she strains
to hear one last beat, but its music no longer plays
for her. It is then that she realizes, it never did."
This is such an amazing piece. The vocab flows wonderfully. Those were just some of my favorite lines.

This sort of reminds me of one of E. A. Poe's pieces.
'A Tell Tale Heart' I think it is. It's a great poem (yours and his)
Thanks for the nice read dani

[D. Nelson]

this is a very emotional piece, Dani.

I would pick a favorite stanza but they all seem to be equally well written... great work!

i would love to read the original but i was unable to find it, =

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This poem is simply awesome! I got that feel of sadness and dissatisfaction here, but still it ends up beautifully with the way of living our life the way it treats with us. I need to agree that you have grown a lot in this past as a writer and your style reflects that!

"The music comforts her with beautiful tones;
mysterious compositions of impassioned love" - I simply love these lines, outstanding imagery!

[Mr. Lopez]

This poem has a very lonely feel...almost dark . A realization of the affects that chasing rainbows has on a person can last a life time. There is always a dreamy quality to your style of writting that i look forward to seeing and have yet to be disappointed. I think its great just the way it is. My only suggestion .......that you never stop writting.

Mr.Lopez

[Angelic Darkness]

This poem reminds me of thos lonely girl roaming around the secrets of
some castle, searching, flowing as she goes.

This poem is soft, yet strong. There are dark tones here, and sensual
notes to be discovered. This is a beautiful poem.

AD

[Ocean Orchid]

This poem is a very impressive work of Deep Feelings with serene metaphoric expressions.. great work !

[T]

A very heart tugging emotional poem, D. Beautifully expressed in your poetic style that makes you one of my favorites, D ... warm hugs girlfriend ...

[Blue Sky]

I sense of wonder and effect in your work,
and with that I thought this to be quite significant
most particular in the way the perspective is presented
and the way it ends is quite poignant and vivid!
Your imagery is quite fascinating, very beautiful work my friend!
I really like to immerse the reading senses in your spectacular work!! :))

[[untitled]]

I've read both and I see a wonderfully enormous difference in your overall tone, imagery and flow. Even though the first was good, the second is much better. It reads almost like a story. Your wording is joined together well. I know I always say this but bear in my mind it comes straight up from the heart---a beautiful write. Emotional and from the heart. I actually feel for the girl. An emotional response from a poem? I guess that's a good thing! I enjoyed reading them. Thank you so much for sharing.