Skyla: Knight of Narzeth *Prologue* (draft 1)

The makings of a fantasy novel.....Prologue draft 1

Prologue (draft 1)




    Ever since I was little, I was raised to act and think like a boy. It's not like I could have avoided it. My mother passed away when I was a toddler, just learning how to talk. I don't recall what her face looked like, but faint memories of someone holding me, stroking my dark walnut hair, and kissing my pink nose would appear in my thoughts now and then. My worried father knew nothing on how to raise a girl, but because of my brother Lance, who's five years older than I, my father raised me how he raised him. It was easier, I guess.
    As I grew and began to go to school, my curiosity of my mother overwhelmed me, when I saw other children grasping onto their mother's dresses. I was longing for what they had and I didn't. This jealousy would get me in trouble 'cause I started fights with the neighboring children who made me feel less important a different. The small village school was constantly sending me home because I couldn't control my tongue or my fists. But I was always too ashamed to return home and explain things my father, so instead I took refuge under the plum tree that overlooked the village of Pentlen, my home.
     On one of those rough days. I was kicked out because I gave Newton Cooper, a boy in my class, a black eye. The teacher face was red with anger. She yelled that she had enough of me and told  me not to come back to her classroom, but along those lines the word monster left her tongue. Rage boiled within me and without thinking I lifted the nearest school chair and threw it right at the teacher. It missed and crashed into the front row of desks. Everyone stared wide eyed at me. Their eyes where filled with fear, but also with hate. I tried my best to leave with my head held high while sticking my tongue out at my teacher, but as soon as I left the school house I couldn't hold back my tears. Before anyone saw me in this state, I ran with all of my might to the plum tree. As I ran, I kept my head down, and focused on my brothers hand-me-down shoes that were about to fall of my feet.
    I should have been used to being called monster. It wasn't the first time I have been called such a name. In fact I have been nicknamed "Blue Devil" in the village. The "Blue" because of my azure eyes, and Devil, because my devious nature and above average strength. I have never approved of this name but I didn't want people to think of me as emotionally weak.
    It was around springtime and the plum blossoms were in full bloom. The sweet aroma was swept away by the cool breeze that came from the north and carried down to the village. Loose pink petals fell down from the tree, covering the ground in a pastel blanket. I leaned up against the tree and slowly slid down, ignoring the rough bark. I brought my legs close to my body and hugged them tightly. Warm tears rolled down my cheeks, dropping into my lap.
    A noise behind me caught me off guard. I turned to find Lance there with his idiotic smile.
    "I knew I would find you here." He said with relief. I quickly wiped my tears with the sleeve of my tunic then tried to ignored him by continuing to pout. "I was told by your teacher that you were causing trouble again." Lance said with only a tiny bit of disappointment. He pulled down a tree branch and picked off a bundle of blossoms, then sat down next to me and let out an over exaggerated sigh. He nonchalantly started to play with the flowers in his hand. His laid-back attitude annoyed me. Though he appeared air headed, I knew he was actually a very smart person. Lance finally broke the silence with a question. "Do you have a good reason why you hit that boy Skyla?"
    I started to get angry "It's not my fault! That stupid Newt was bragging about his mama's food and how it was the best food in the world. I was just teaching him a lesson on not to lie." My brother gave me a blank look and then began to laugh. How could he laugh at me when I'm clearly serious about it?
    He continued to laugh. "Is that all? Seriously, Sky you get violent over the littlest of things." This pushed me over the edge and I threw a punch his way. He was faster than me and caught my fist. "Too slow." He then twisted my arm, making me cry in pain. "You need to control your anger, or it's going to get you into bad situations like today." I tried to brake loose from his stone grip. He sighed again and let me go. I quickly rubbed my arm. He was wise to let go, because I was about bite his hand. That usually did the trick.
    "Please Sky, you need to listen to me because..." He hesitated for a while. "Because I won't be here for you anymore." I looked up at his face. The same blue eyes we shared where full of sorrow. "I will be leaving in a few months to the capital."
    This all took me by surprise. I just couldn't imagine him leaving Pentlen. "Wh-what for?" I said just above a whisper.
    Lance looked down at the village. Trying to avoid eye contact. "I'm going to become a Knight. I will be 16 soon, the minimal age requirements to begin apprentice training. I'm going to start at a low rank, but I know I will become a top ranked knight in no time." A little bit of excitement was surfacing in his voice.
    "Will you come back?" I started to panic. He turned his head towards me, smiled and placed his hand on top of my head messing up my hair.
    "Of course I will. Do you think I would forget to come back and see my favorite little sister." I laughed.
    "Then when I'm older I will become a Knight too, and we can fight bad-guys together!" His smile became even wider.
    "Sure why not, if you can become as strong as me that is. In fact I think you might just become the strongest female Knight." He messed up my hair again and placed the plum blossoms behind my ear.
    "Are the girl Knights strong?" I questioned.
    "It just depends on the person I guess. But there's not many high ranked female Knights. "
    "Then I want to be a boy Knight because I want to get stronger than you." I responded innocently.
    "Haha, you can still be girl and be stronger than boys, but I think you could play the part of a male Knight very well." He laughed. Even after I heard that Lance would be leaving, I couldn't really be mad or sorrowful, because I saw how happy he was talking about his dream of becoming a Royal Knight, the knights that fight by the king and the princes.
    "Promise me you will come back home." I said as we were about to head back.
    "No need to worry. I promise." He smiled
    "And I promise to become a strong Knight." I yelled at the top of my lungs out towards the village. My voice echoed back to me.


    The days that followed, I helped Lance with training. I carefully observed his training schedule, but he didn't let me help until I successfully apologized to my teacher and that stupid Newton. Though I was forgiven, I was put on a suspension for a couple of weeks, which I used to my advantage by practicing with my wooden sword, given to me  by Lance. He said he didn't need it anymore, because he was going to get a real one.
    My father was proud and paraded through the town declaring that his son was to become a hero. I kept a few paces back from him covering my face in embarrassment, when we went to buy groceries in the plaza.
    It was somewhat rare for a citizen of Pentlen to become a Knight  because it was a village filled with farmers. Lance was the talk of the town. Everyone's' attention was on him. It felt good to walk at his side because next to him I wasn't considered the "Blue Devil", but Lance's little sister.
    The time for him to depart for the capital finally came and almost the whole village was there to see him off. I stood in front of the crowd holding my fathers hand. Right as he began to leave I shouted at him. "Don't forget your promise!" He turned around and gave me his idiotic smile one last time and put his hand on my head a messed up my hair. I felt my eyes begin to burn. I hate crying in front of a lot of people, but this situation was different. Tears began to drip onto the dirt road. Lance bent knelt down and hugged me.
    "There's no need to cry. I promise I will always protect you." And with that he left down the dirt path that lead to the capital, Narzeth. I stayed frozen until his strong profile disappeared into the horizon.
    "I won't break my promise either, brother. I will become a strong Knight."

Author's Note

OK this is my first writing posted on Writers Cafe!!!!! It is a first draft of my prologue. It's a bit long....but I hope you can read it (and not get bored) please help me edit and make it better :) I am a HORRIBLE speller!!!!(and I'm bad at grammar too) I wish to continue writing this story, but if people don't like the story in general, I'm not going to write the first chapter. I feel my writing is dead. What can i do to make this piece better? Should I continue? Does it make sense? Hate the characters? Random parts? Hate it?.......etc.
I'm only 16, so please be nice and don't write mean comments....but if you truly hate my writing...tell me in a nice way please :P

Reviews

[Dark]

I thought the prologue was a fine length and very well written. I'm new to the community as well and also 16 years old. I understand what it's like to feel like your writing is not as good as professional work, however this was just as good in my opinion. I loved the diction you used, it helped show your characters personalities right off the bat. To be honest I already kind of like your characters which is a good thing. You're right, there are a few grammar/spelling mistakes but that should not stop you from continuing this story. I would defiantly like to continue reading this, you are very talented.

One correction:

You wrote: "Sure why not, if you can [because] as strong as me that is."
Correction: "Sure why not, if you can [become] as strong as me that is"

[DragonEnthusiast]

Wow! I can tell where this is going! Gender bender! Anyway, this is a very strong beginning and I really want to read more. The characters are well established and are easily identifiable. All in all, a great prologue!

[Ace D Portgas]

Alright this was a GREAT start to a story and definitely interesting and makes me want to read more

Very descriptive chapter, I could picture all this happening in my head as I read, you can tell what kind of personality the two siblings have with one another and I like how they interact with each other

As for grammar there were hardly any but I did notice two: In the eight paragraph "To slow." should be "Too slow."

As for the other one I can't find it but I noticed there was one sentence where instead of "and", you put "a"

Also while reading this I kind of got the vibe that she dressed like a boy too, similar to Mulan, so I am not sure if that was how it was supposed to come across cause I thought at first people thought she was a boy too.

Great write, definitely looking forward to the next chapter, hope you put it up soon

[(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞Emmett..]

Are you kidding? This is pretty good! BTW, I can totally see this become like a Manga of sorts. xD I look forward to the next chapter, yo~

It's a first draft so of course it's not nearly perfect yet. Once you reread it over and over and fix the little grammatical errors and maybe add some more details or ideas here and there it will become something fantastic. Also, Skyla is soooo cute. (And she'd probably try to hit me for saying that.) lol

Also... I feel something bad is going to happen in the later chapters. O 3 O