This is my first ever attempt at a sonnet, so I\'d like to know what you guys think. =]

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I like the mutability of the first line, at least the one that's there for me. Rather than 'strong' I want to say 'song' --

Now although I bet you know this, I am just going to revise the rules of an iambic pentameter. 1 foot (meter) consists of two syllables either disposed in i-AMBS or TRO-chée. :) Just looking at your second line I can tell (by the ending) that you have that confused (somewhere along the lines) and I realize it's a valid argument to say you can play around with the structure (hell, shakespeare did.. he even added extra syllables at times) however I don't think that would be wise if you're starting out.

That being said, I suck at distinguishing (properly) between stressed and unstressed syllables. So I can't tell you to an exactitude how you got it backwards, but I can say you do have it confused. :) Another point (on the form) would just be a very minute one: the final couplet is generally separated from the rest of the poem.

Ah, for this is solitude and to yearn
....
for years, and months I awaited for my turn

(my failed attempt at iambic pentameter). My following points concerning poetry style, so take it more as a personal thing than a rule. You don't have to end each line with a period or a comma, or any kind of punctuation. One of the poets most powerful tools is where he can CUT his lines, and by doing so, where he can place extra pauses, and emphasis on certain thoughts.
I
the rebel of
yesteryear
today
the peon of
tomorrow.

This isn't to say you should write pansy poetry filled with one-word-lines. :) Just you know... prosaic punctuation?

Music is a potion, a liquid strong
coursing through veins of those unsuspecting;
ready or not, it won't take the sound long
memories will begin resurrecting.
Nostalgia, sadness, fear, loss, and regret [these are emotions, just fyi :P]
replaced with feelings of solace and joy [ings/sol adds to the lyrical quality]
notes swarm; watch closely for the silhouette
your unconsciousness comes alive - their toy.
Someone understands, someone is alike,
someone else has pain locked away inside -
Music is the shield for the painful spike
that rescues a soul from those who have lied.

Faith, savior in a world long 'go corrupt
Music is the faith one cannot disrupt.

Hehe. Sorry if I gave you disconcerting feelings. I just couldn't put aside the opportunity to read Tommie's poetry. Mmmmhhmmmm. Anyhow, this was really good IN SPITE of what I said. It's a lot easier for me to tear your form apart, but I've yet to actually write a full sonnet myself. The moment I do though, you can have at it.. promise. :)

Posted 3 Months Ago