Chapter one; Leaving

     I had just heard my mum in the larder as our da' walked in the front door breathing heavily with his asthma. "The... car... is ready t-to... go, "he said wheezing his breath for air. I was fiddling to put my stuffed bunny rabbit in my school bag, which was all ready cramped full of two weeks of homework I will be missing.

     My younger sister ran into the room screaming banging her knapsack against the door frame. She was diagnosed with ADHD when she was seven years old. Mum, had blamed herself. For three years, we watched her depression grow. Then, last year, we all sit in terror, knowing we couldn't stop her... Stop her from putting that gun in her mouth... watching her eyes grow with excitement, and then,... she did it... The one big thing that made each of us flinch...

     The sounds of the shot echoed throughout the upstairs. I sat in my room that night waiting for something -- anything.

     My sister was never the same. To me, it seems she has no emotions. She's happy, sure... But, what type of person would be happy-go-lucky after a thing like your mum shooting herself?

     I carried my bag to the car parked outside. It wasn't the newest car in Berkshire. But to my da' his 1979 Ford Ranchero was his pride and joy. I'm sure if my da' had a better paying job, he'd still keep this car just for the pride of owning it.

     I walked around the back of the truck and felt a cold chill go down my body. The neighbor's dog came running at me with white foam around its mouth. He was stopped by his rusted chain. Thank God. It's not that I like dogs being tied up, but this dog is at lest three times bigger than I am.

     I lifted my bag over the tail gate. My sister came skipping and humming the tune of Spongebob Squirepants. She sit her bag down at my feet. I grabbed it. She stood staring into the sky. Her body dancing like a fish out of water. I threw her bag over the tail gate and covered it over with a canapé with mine.

     "I've been a very good girl," I heard my sister say looking up into the sky.

     "Talking to mum, sis?"

     "Yep."

     "You know it's okay to talk to mum. I do sometimes."

     "Do you think mum watches us? You know, like an angel?"

     "I don't know.... I suppose."

     "I think da' needs help loading the car."

     "Yeah, he does."

     After we had helped da’ load the bed of the Ranchero I lifted my sister into the seat and fastened her in. My mind took one last look at the house I had grown up in. I was memorized as my eyes sit to the window of what was my bedroom.

     I couldn’t do anything except run back into the empty box I called home. I tripped over my shoe laces as I climbed up the stairs.

     There was the door to my room. Not a very pretty door, just my door. The light reflected in from the window. I slowed my steps down to all most a tip-toe. This was the room I had slept in for four-teen years of my life. I placed my hand around the wood grain of the wall.

     Then I felt it… Sort-of sticky… I pulled my hand away and looked at it. It was blood. There was no blood on the wall, anywhere… just on my hand. I wiped it on my pants.

     BANG! My heart stopped. BANG! I saw what it was making the heart piercing sounds. There was a door… a door I’ve never seen before. It must have been hidden behind my dresser all of these years.

     The door was ajar and banging into the latch in the wall. I reached out and shut it. I managed to walk to the door when I herd the bang again. When I looked this time I saw it. I saw what many people fear -- what many people worship. My hand slid over the icy-cold handle. I could barely hold it up with my puny arms.

     There, I was staring at the gun my mum had shot her self with. I stared at it. I had no idea weather or not the gun was loaded when I opened my mouth. But, I slid the neck down my throat anyway.

     My fingers twitched along the trigger. I kept telling myself: hurry up. You’re useless. Your family doesn’t love you. And when your da’ finds out you're pregnant you’re as good as dead anyway. My eyes were closed tight and my hands were starting to shake and my finger was coming closer to pushing the trigger. Damn it, I thought, just one time.

I was turning cold. My face was turning blue from holding my breathe, and my stomach was turning like a washing machine.

     I opened my eyes long enough to see I had actually pulled the trigger. It was covered in dark sticky ooze. Blood.

I felt my hand to the back of my neck, sliding them down the bone of my spine. There were no holes. No bloody tissue or bone fragments. I did the same with the back of my head. Nothing.

     The gun was slang across the floor shinning brighter than ever. I reached to pick it up in my hands. The gun wasn’t bloody.

     The neighbors’ dog howled out a sickly muffle. I looked out my window and saw my dad loading the last few things in the bed of the truck.

    

     When I came though the door of my house I slightly caught the end of it with my fingers and pulled it toward me. I heard it click shut behind me and I climbed in the car beside of my sister, Miss Zoë from planet Gaagon.

     “Do you want a cracker, sis?”

     She nodded her head.

     “Here you are, Sist.” Sist was the nickname mom had given her the night she was born. An odd habit to brake is name calling. I heard my sister crack her teeth into the cracker just as my dad opened the door.

     “Now… then… everyone ready to go?”

     “Yes,” I said, Sist nodded her head again.

     “Da’ no need to bother her seatbelt, I’ve all ready fastened it.”

     “You did this?”

     “Yes,” I said.

     “Ah, well as long as you’re buckled up and ready, lets get a move on.

     I watched his hands fiddle as he searched for the keys. His eyes strayed on the house as he backed out of the driveway.

     “ Da’!” I screamed as he hit the breaks. A horn on a semi blew past us. He unfastened his belt and looked at my sister and me. “Are you all right?” He hesitated.

     “Yeah.” I lied. My sister sat there chewing on the sleeve-ends of her black hoody.

     Da’ kissed her on her forehead and wrapped his arms around her tightly resting his head on her. I leaned onto the door. He Hadn’t tried to hug me. Maybe, it’s jealousy. Maybe, da’ was just more worried about her than me.

     There was something I had never seen on my da’s face b’for. Not even at my mum’s wake. I watched it stream down his cheek and drip. Just like a single raindrop, it fell. My heart pounded so loud I thought I was having a panic attack. My da’ crying. My sister sitting beside him chewing on her sleeves and hair.

     “Da’,” I asked.

     “I’m fine.” he replied hiding his tears. “Well… let’s get away from here.”

     The car restarted. And we pulled away from the house I called, home.

Author's Note

Still not completed. :) But, It's open for reviews.

Reviews

[BBP]

I like the story, needs fine tuning just so we can know whats going on, but I also like leaving things to be understood later, just kind of isolate it so it does that I guess. But I'm not one for critique cause I hardly know what I'm doing lol

It's a good story line, I would love to read more.

[Blood Stained Inu]

Lovely, very lovely... I'd love to see the finished version... One tip though...? The part with the closet and all was a bit confusing... I feel like you could expand on it very easily though...

[Barbara Walker]

The premise is great but I had a bit of trouble with the closet door, the bang, the gun, blood on it, not on it, that needs a bit of work.

[Calypso]

Well written.

[Chris]

Very nice start to the novel. The diction is great and the words flow nicely. There's some pretty good description here. I could feel a bit of fear simply from the banging of the door, so you do a good job at invoking emotions in the reader. I was unsure of the overuse of the ellipses in the paragraph describing the mom's suicide, but it's understandable if it feels believable for the character to be using those brief periods to pause in the description. The suddenness of the narrator sticking the gun in her mouth seemed kind of random to me since there wasn't much to hint that she was depressed, but, at the same time, it's a nice little surprise about her character that we don't exactly catch right away.

There were some minor misspellings and you had a tendency to switch to present tense (unless you were purposely doing that to portray the narrator's voice), but those can easily be fixed by an editor.

Overall, good write. :)

[Brad]

you have got that dialogue down pat, your characters very believable, can't wait to see more

[Deactivated_BurningDemo..]

*Spongebob Squarepants xD
I now have the song in my head...
I'm going to keep an eye on this one. Could be interesting.