My reason to fight

My reason to fight

A Chapter by Darruesh Eetraydes

“Come on brother I see the city walls” Nzingha told her brother.

“I’m coming” Gerik called out to her. He adjusted the pack on his back and rushed forward.

The two siblings slowed their walk as they came upon the walls of New Carson City, one of the largest cities established after the meteor shower. Its high rock walls were created from some of the meteors in the surrounding area, which gave it a rugged impenetrable look. Two Guards sat in front of the gates playing cards. Neither acknowledged the two dirty siblings standing a little way from them.

“Hello can you help us?” Nzingha asked them.

“We don’t need more beggars in our city” one guard said.

“We aren’t beggars” Nzingha told them.

“Well you look dirty like them” another guard said. Both guards chuckled.

The guards looked them over. Nzingha’s jet black hair, soft brown skin, soft brown eyes, and big bosom caught the guard’s attention. Their eyes now went to the boy beside her. They had the same facial features so the guards assumed brother and sister. Gerik was wiry, tall with her soft brown eyes, his hair short, two hoop earrings in his left earlobe, and a sword on his back. Both the siblings’ clothes were dirty. Splotches of white shone through the dirt.

“Ok if you aren’t beggars then what are you?” a guard asked. He smiled thinking he caught the young people before him in a lie.

“Well we are performers” Nzingha told him.

“Show us” a guard told them. He smiled showing his yellow black teeth.

Gerik sat down his pack and took his scabbard from around his back. “This sword is a Chinese long sword” Gerik told them. He held the wooden scabbard before them. Bronze plating depicting a snake ran down the length of it. A black turtle motif was crafted on the hilt of the blade. Its mouth wrapped around the scabbard snugly. Gerik wrapped his hands on the black leather hilt and slowly pulled the sword out. He held the blade facing the guard in his right, and the scabbard in his left. He slowly swung the blade alternating sides, leaving the long golden tassel flowing behind it. Gerik swung the blade horizontally and twisted his body to stab low. Gerik fell fully into his dance. He flowed through the motions, his muscles moved in coordination with his body. His feet firm with every step. Nzingha grabbed an apple out of her pack and threw it into the air. Gerik saw the motion, let the blade slide out of his hands, grabbed the tassel, and spun the blade. The apple reached its peak and fell. He surged his hand upward, still spinning the blade. The blade passed through the apple as if it wasn’t there. Gerik suddenly stopped his blade, pulled it back into his hand, and spun catching one half on the flat of his blade, and the other on his scabbard. The guards stood speechless for a second, finally they clapped and cheered.

“Wow kid you truly are something. Maybe when you get older you can join the church’s hunters, or become a soldier like us.” One of the guards told him. Gerik glared hard at the guard for a second, but only for a second. The guard missing the look kept going.

“Let me see your papers and I will let you two through” the same guard told them. Nzingha handed them their papers. The guards looked over them and handed them back.

“Open up” one guard yelled. The huge door slowly opened up. Nzingha and Gerik could see poor broken down shanties.

“You are really skilled for a 16 year old kid” the guard told Gerik again as he picked up his pack. “When you turn 18 you should sign up kid, you could go far.”

The other guard looked at Nzingha “do you entertain as well?” he asked with a creepy smile.

Nzingha ignored the guard and walked on through. Gerik followed her in as the walls closed behind them. The smell of unwashed bodies and death struck their senses as they walked through the poor district. Little faces stared out at them from the alleys. Children ran at them begging for any food or money that they can get. Nzingha cut the apple Gerik used in his show more, so she could give it to all of them. As they made their way through the district, they could hear shouting. Nzingha followed the voice and found a crowd listening to a herald.

“I hate heralds” Gerik whispered to Nzingha.

“Shhh let’s see what’s going on in this city.” She told him.

The herald held his arms out wide. His brown robes flowed with the wind, grey hair matted to his forehead with sweat, but he had the vitality of a young man. He stood on a wooden stage with two fellow monks standing below it with staffs.

“Psychics have tricked us all” he screamed. “They aren’t the chosen of god, but the chosen of the devil. We, the followers of The One True are the chosen. If you know of any psychics please tell us. It will put you into God’s good grace.” The herald proclaimed. The stage shook as he gyrated with each yell.

Gerik and Nzingha heard enough, and began to walk again through the district. Smoke wafted over the buildings, screams, and shouts rose above the other noise. People ran through the streets.

“What the hell is happening?” Nzingha asked some people running by.

“The church is capturing psychics” the women said. She picked up her child and continued running.

“We must go help” Gerik said.

“No we should go the other way” Nzingha told him. She grabbed his arm and forced him to face her.

“Dad didn’t teach me how to fight just so I could run” Gerik yelled out. He glared at her.

“Playing hero will get you killed” Nzingha yelled back. She glared back not faltering.

“Dad fought and so will I” Gerik replied not missing a beat.

“That’s why dad is dead!” Nzingha screamed. People stopped and stared at the two. The two siblings started walking into they reached an alley.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that.” she told him.

“Mom and dad died for us” he said. He looked down at the scabbard in his left hand. “I will fight to stop what happened to us from happening to others” he finished.

“Ok little brother I understand now, but you know that it will draw attention to us” she told him.

“Once you draw your sword commit yourself to cutting your opponent, and being cut. If you don’t commit yourself to both you will lose. That’s what dad used to say” he said.

“ Then we should hurry and help” she replied.

 

 

The siblings ran towards the commotion. As they moved in that direction Nzingha couldn’t help but notice that they were moving towards richer looking buildings. Shop owners shooed away customers, and begun to locking up their stores. A bridge separated the poor district from the real city, as if they were two different cities. No guards were at their post as they ran by. Gerik just assumed that they were busy trying to keep everything in order. The buildings here were by far nicer. The bridge connected to a garden filled with plump vegetables and fruits. Another explosion sent smoke rising rapidly in the air. Gerik wrapped a black cloth around his head, and his sister wrapped her red scarf to cover hers.

“This way” Gerik said. He pointed to a ladder sitting beside a modest sized house.

They ran on the top of buildings a little, and quietly snuck around to get a view. A large gate cut off the house from the street. Bodies littered the floor in front of the gate. The siblings slipped through the open gate. The pathway towards the house curved back and forth like a snake sliding towards it prey. Trees were posted on both side of the path creating columns. Nzingha and Gerik snuck quietly through the gate sticking behind the trees for cover. Nzingha checked a soldier lying prone beside her. He still had a pulse albeit weak. They paused when they saw a man in bronze armor standing before 5 men with glowing sticks clad in robes. The armored man had two scars running down from above his right eye to the middle of his cheek, smoke came from the pipe in his mouth, and a young girl stood behind him. Nzingha spotted a young man being dragged out of the house that is currently on fire. Nzingha pulled out two metallic sharpened discs and closed her eyes. She focused her mental energies on the discs, and they floated in the air gently.

“We must wait for the right time to strike” Nzingha told him.

Gerik pulled his jian from its scabbard, and thumped his blade. His blade waved as the metallic sound rang, “I trust you” he told her.

 The siblings watched as a man in red robes emerged from burning house covered in soot.  The figure patted himself down trying to remove the soot to no avail, frustrated he continued to walk past the rest before the armored man. A man in bleach white followed him.

“So Duke Izyan why are you interrupting in church affairs?” the soot covered monk asked the armored man. He smiled at the armored man while trying once again to remove the soot from his robes.

Izyan removed the pipe from his mouth for a moment “I am only helping these young people, surely the church doesn’t mind” Izyan replied. He smiled back at the man.

“You heretic, you dare stand in the way of God’s chosen” the white clad man declared. His fake hair bounced with every accusing finger.

 “Calm yourself francis” the red robed man told him. The man in white robes calmed some.

“Well you know me and you are?” Izyan asked.

“I am Jaecar Landon” he told him. He bowed low, “the bishop has declared the capture of all Psychics. You are a known Psychic, but since you are of the king’s court I may not detain you. You have killed clergymen of the church, but I will forgive you of your” he paused “transgressions.” “Continue to stand in our way, and we will be forced to acknowledge your allegiance to the devil and destroy you.” He finished smiling.

“Are you saying that the church would attack the king’s own men?” Izyan asked him seriously.

“The bishop rules this city” Jaecar stated as if that answer was enough.

Izyan stared at the man dangerously as smoke wafted from his pipe.

“I have foreseen this sir. It’s my psychic ability. Trust your gut sir” the little girl whispered.

“I always do” Izyan replied smiling.

Izyan focused on Jaecar, Jaecar dove to right, and the man behind him burst into flames.

 




© 2010 Darruesh Eetraydes



Author's Note

Darruesh Eetraydes
I was asked to add more, and so I hope it is enjoyed

My Review

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Featured Review

The description of Gerik's sword dance was wonderful, I could almost see it happening before me as I read the words. After that things seemed to move a bit fast, you did a great job of describing the city but after that you jumped to the heral, to the woman, to the siblings history, then to the fight, rather quickly. The short clippets of information followed by even more disrupted the flow of your story and i had to stop and re-read several things. Beyond that it was a lovely chapter. I did notice a few typos and such, but I am a nit-pick, its nothing a proof-read or two wouldn't cure. All in all, I rather enjoyed reading it, the story line seems filled with plenty of action and the characters aren't flat. Good work!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I like where it's going but it's hard to stay focused when you keep changing the tense to past tense and present tense. Also, toward the beginning, punctuation (commas mostly) is needed.

Posted 7 Years Ago


All in all it isn't bad. Actually, come to think of it, the thing reminds me of the new Final Fantasy somewhat. A few things, besides some typos and grammatical errors, is that the dialogue feels a little too rigid at times. Also, while there are some good descriptions, there are times when it feels like you're doing more telling than showing. Just a few thoughts.

D.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Few minor spelling errors here and there,but very descriptive and well written.
One thing that always bother me when reading a story though,is that I like to know how to say the names.And I have no clue how to say these names!

But its interesting.I like it a lot so far.Good work(:

Posted 7 Years Ago


“Come on brother I see the city walls” Nzingha told her brother. (“Come on, brother, I see the city walls,” Nzingha told her brother. Missing commas added)

“Ok if you aren’t beggars then what are you?” a guard asked. He smiled thinking he caught the young people before him in a lie.(“Ok, if you aren’t beggars, then what are you?” a guard asked. He smiled, thinking he caught the young people before him in a lie. Added commas.)

Above are examples of the errors I saw. Nothing major. This will be a nice story, interesting, and I love stories like this.

They ran on the top of buildings a little, and quietly snuck around to get a view.(omit comma before "and")

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I really liked this. A very nice descriptive chapter introducing the characters and the plot of the story. This has a medieval feel to it, which I like.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow... cool. And like the reviews said below me the sword dance sounded amazing.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I was re-reading this and i found a few things that may need to be changed,

“This sword is Chinese long sword”
-this sword is A Chinese long sword

"The siblings watched as a man in red robes emerged from burning house. His robes weren’t brown like the others."
this repeats its self almost
"The siblings watched as a man in read robes emerged from the burning house, his robes, unlike thhe others drap brown where brilliant red"

some like this will easily make that sound better


Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I don't know. I like the pace of this story. A lot of writers try to do too much in one chapter. You brought the character into the story. Told a very good story of their skills and led us into the city. I like this chapter a lot. Nothing wrong with this chapter.
Coyote

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

it had wonderfull discription in several places and there were places i wished there was more, for me i have two inpersenations of the guards, low-life perverts then the rightous heros of the city, which the two doesn't work well unless someone is trying to disguise themselves.

other than that, it was a very enjoyable first read into the characters

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Glad I stuck to it. I like the whole thing with the Church and the psychics... Very well done, my friend. Cna't wait to see what happens in the next chapter!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on March 8, 2010
Last Updated on April 11, 2010
Tags: psychics, guns, explosion, tragedy, adventure, fantasy, swords


Author

Darruesh Eetraydes
Darruesh Eetraydes

TX



About
Yo whats up people! I'm a 19 year old class clown from Texas. I've recently gotten into writing and I'm trying to get better at it. I'm better at telling stories orally, but hey I got start at some po.. more..

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