Spooking a Spook

They didn’t tell when we bought the place

Of the ghost in the attic room,

They knew that they’d have to drop the price

If the spook jumped out in the gloom.

So we’d signed the papers and paid the fees,

There wasn’t really an out,

We’d had a couple of days of peace

Then it came jumping about.

It started with a terrible crash

That roused us out of our bed,

I said, ‘that sounded like breaking glass

And it came from overhead.’

But overhead was the attic room

And that was an empty space,

So I went up with a whisking broom,

Found glass, all over the place.

And worse than that, it was mirror shards

It was seven years bad luck,

So just like an irritated Bard

I yelled out, ‘WTF?’

I got to work with the whisking broom

And was cursing, fit to toss,

When the spook, in the corner of the room

Appeared with a blazing cross.

I noticed he held it upside down

Raised up, to cover his face,

I must admit that I threw a fit,

I acted with little grace,

‘What the hell are you doing here,

You’ve given us quite a fright,

Don’t you know, we were trying to sleep,

It’s an hour past midnight.’

It waved the blazing cross in the air

And gave out a dreadful groan,

Then flames from the floor devoured him

And left me standing alone.

I went back down to the bedroom to

The woman I loved the most,

Who said, ‘Well, what did you find up there?’

‘We’ve got us a Holy Ghost!’

From that night on, it was every night

It was boom and crash and groan,

While Jenny in fright, would curl up tight,

‘Won’t he ever leave us alone?’

I said, “It’s only at night he comes,

He must sleep during the day,

I have an idea, don’t worry dear,

He won’t have it all his way.’

I rigged up a speaker system there

And fed it all through an amp,

Then during the day, I’d blast away

And light the room with a lamp,

A blinding lamp of a thousand watts

To strobe, at a hundred clicks,

And blasted him with Metallica,

I knew it would make him sick.

The spook came out on the seventh day

Stood trembling on the stair,

The flames on his cross had all gone out,

He stood there, tearing his hair.

He dashed on out through the open door

I thought he was going to puke,

And that was the last of the Ghost we saw,

So that’s how you spook a Spook!

David Lewis Paget

Reviews

[T.S. Sky]

I'm laughing out loud. Very good tale! :D

[Coyote Poetry]

A very nice tales shared my friend David. I enjoyed this poem. To scare a ghost. A hard thing to do. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry. I liked this one.
Coyote

[TPK Stories]

Heavy metal spooks a spook? A little light-hearted reading. Loved it.

[Avinash]

Not sure about the ghost but I am gonna try this method on my cat. This one was quite amusing.

[Tony Jordan]

Excellent DLP !!
Straight out of the CIA handbook lol.
Just as well it wasn't a former heavy-metaller though or you'd have never got rid of him !!
Like this very much.

[Lorraine]

This made me laugh out loud. Very funny, and very well written.