Goodbye

This poem is about my dad dieing of cancer

You said that you would never say goodbye

You said the doctors could fix it

You said you would be around 

 

I was happy
I was glad to spend time with you
I was excited to see you

 

Then everything fell apart
Then the doctors said they couldn't fix it
Then you said goodbye

 

Reviews

[Lina Grey]

Ouch. Always hard to say goodbye, especially when people tell you things like that.
My suggestion would be to also change the order of the lines in the first stanza, but not like Winter of '97. I would put it:
"You said that you would never say goodbye
You said the doctors could fix it
You said you would be around"
That way the lines kinda lead in, and lead out. Like a mirror.
Just a suggestion. It's a meaningful write, and the repitition gives it an almost child-like sadness. Very touching. Thank you.

[Hope]

Thank you so much. :)

[Kimberly "Melody" Carne..]

This is a truly heartfelt poem, sometime the kind that seems so painful and impossible to do justice as nothing can truly express how we feel. I think you did a very good job. Keep writing, within it is healing, wisdom and strength…and it’s all already inside of you, writing brings it to the light.

[Serenity Faith]

This made me so sad :( As I understand "goodbye" all too well. My sister-in-law has hotchkins lymphoma. She's only a few months older than me, and discovered it right after she graduated from high school, she was 18 then. She's doing much better as of late though. I am sorry for your loss Hope. You make your Dad proud!!! That I'm 100% on ^_^

[Hope]

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister-in- law and I hope she gets better, and thank you :)

[Hope]

Thank you so much! :)

[Winter of '97]

Love it! Maybe if you changed the order of the first paragraphs last and second to last lines so it would read: You said you would be around
You said the doctors could fix it
You said that you would never say goodbye
Just so it is in the same sort of order as the last paragraph(:
Just an idea though(:
Great write!