Mommy, Why are they all crying?

Mommy Why Are They All Crying?

Tears fall upon marble angels

As we stood to the side hands intertwined.

 “Mommy, why is everyone crying?” she asks,

Her small face, so reminiscent of his,

 Scrunched in confusion, eyes questioning.

That one dreaded moment arrived.

 How do you explain to a child that daddy will never be coming home?

How do you tell her that the hole in the ground was for her father?

How do you let her know it will all be okay,

When your former certainty lies six feet under?

“Because, sweetie”

“Because what?”

“Because life isn’t fair.”

Your heart shatters, exploding in your chest

When she finally reads that marble monstrosity

And eyes tinted with reproach, and shining with tears

She looks at you and says “he said he would come home.”

Then the tears fall, sparkling like diamonds

Costing you just about as much

How did it come to this?

You standing in a graveyard with a bronze star and a flag?

Damn all wars and let the devil take all who cause them,

This cost became too high, the day my marine died.

 

 

 

Reviews

[.Bunnie.]

Hmm I think the idea of this is good, but there were quite a few grammatical errors...and as previously mentioned, it's 64 words. (And 'daddy' should be 'Daddy'.) But very sad. Good job! I'd run through it and make the necessary edits, since it's so short. If you need any help or want some advice, let me know!!

[Gathering_Stars]

this is a good beginning for something, i would just have liked to see it longer and more effort (?) (not sure that's the word I want) put into it.

[Taylor H]

this is good, but its 64 words long

[The Purple Kazoo]

this is brilliant. i like the subtlety of "daddy isn't coming home." overall, you say so much, release such strong emotion, with only 55 words. i'm jealous.

[Orahemae December]

This is a really good write. Its really touching. my best friend's boy friend is over seas right now. I'm glad this poem won the make me feel contest. I entered and mine didnt hold a flame to this one. Kodos.

[Leah Elisabeth]

This is really well done and conveys a lot of meaning in very few words, but since I am really looking for character development. I am afraid this doesn't exactly qualify. Good job though!

[Miss Prince]

oooo, powerful. Very powerful.

[[untitled]]

Even though it is a short story it sure does tell alot.

[Prudence Desideria]

Bloody H...
Very well done. usually shorts like this fail to pack the punch, but you hit straight into the gut of the reader. Brilliant... May one ask if this is a pure fiction piece or based on a real life moment? Either way, it dazzled me and, I'm sure, many others!

[Annalisa]

Short, sweet, and kicks like a team of draft horses. I loved this. Absolutely loved this. In fact, I'm steeling it for my favorites list. Though one quick suggestion. Play with the last line "Damn all wars."....Maybe "Damn the government, damn wars"...o.O...I dunno. It's just a little awkward as is.