To the Right of Orion

For the Arabs the ability to see certain stars was a test of eyesight.

To the right of Orion

 

 

Near Aldebaran, in Taurus

Two faint stars in tandem fly,

And though I cannot see them now

You may, with your younger eye.

I own those stars, or I owned one

 For one was mine and hers the other

When we claimed the night and one another.

 The constancy of stars proved beyond my scope

And from a million regrets I retain one hope:

That somewhere, in this night’s perfection

She will look up, in that direction

Author's Note

comments and criticism welcome

Reviews

[Bear]

Maybe it's just me but this line (I own those stars, or I owned one) "own, owned" trips me up every time I read it.

You have some great phrasing, my favorite being (And from a million regrets I retain one hope), that line alone is a full story within its self. Masterly crafted and intellectually stimulating, after reading it I found my mind's eye gazing to the stars. Thank you for the mental stimulation and emotional inspiration :~)

[Delmar Cooper]

Thanks for reading. Several lines in that one trip me up.

[CD Campbell]

I think this was a well crafted poem. I know you're a pretty damned good writer, but you do a fine turn on the whole poetry thing. Do lines 5 and 6 refer to when you could buy and name your own star? Instead of Alderan 6 it's now Delmar 2 or something like that? I enjoyed the flow at and I don't think it needs meter. The ending is kind of sad though, nowadays when you look up into the sky you can barely see anything.

[Delmar Cooper]

I didn't know about the star naming business. I do know there are two small peculiar stars (binary?) in Taurus that test a young man's vision and are near impossible in old age.

[barleygirl]

This is a beautiful, creative, & original way to say something often expressed in poetry: I miss her! I wasn't sure where this was going, as I read. I love lines #3 & 4, but the overall meaning is still a bit mysterious at this point. Little by little, the crux of your message becomes apparent, which is a nicely-crafted parallel to the idea of not being able to see the stars so well anymore. Interesting assortment of rhyming lines (I don't believe rhymes have to be perfectly structured). We are left with a poignant longing (((HUGS))) fondly, Margie

[Delmar Cooper]

I appreciate your thoughts. A very imperfect writing about very perfect stars.

[Tomoe Tellez]

Very lovely poem, I love constellations and stars. I like the three last lines, I like it when even though a story or poem is sad the writer writes of hope at the end.

[olla]

of course she does... I do.. every once in a while.. some things are indelibly scribbled on the inside of one's memory... and when I read your poem I had to look again.. a little to the right... a good writer will entice the reader into doing just that..

[Delmar Cooper]

thanks for reading the poem and your generous comments

[m.s.early]

The narrator eloquently uses the timeless elements of stars and love. Nostalgically, he out one night, explains constellations to perhaps his prodigy.

Stands there, a younger man, perhaps confounded by new love, receiving the experience of the wiser narrator. Let the narrator expound how love is gained and lost and the mystery of it all resides up in the sky.

[Delmar Cooper]

Thanks for your fine appreciation of this little rhyme. That is pretty much it - perhaps the old man is not so much a teacher as a repenant sinner, but maybe those are the best teachers.

[m.s.early]

Good judgement comes from experience and most of that comes from bad judgement. :)

[highonwords]

wow, i love the descriptions and imagery in this poem. it is refreshing, especially the title. i just have one suggestion, and that is, if "near Aldebaran in Taurus" is where the stars are, and you want this person to look to those couple of stars, and if the quoted phrase is the same as "to the right of Orion", i would (in my case) change the last phrase in the poem, that is, 'in that direction' to "to the right of Orion". thank you for sharing this poem :)

[Delmar Cooper]

Thanks for the review and your gracious comments. About that last line, I'm going to pass on your suggestion for this reason. The title is an instruction or direction to a young observer the narrator is speaking to. This observer needs to know where the faint stars are in the sky, and they are near the star Aldeberon, in the constellation Taurus which in the winter sky is to the right of Orion. The woman, subject of the poems knows exactlly where the stars are. The question is does she still care.