Almost Over

The railway car bounced and rocked rhythmically as its wheels ground and screeched along the tracks through the dark and hated city. He had been sitting on the railway for hours now. It passed through several districts of Blackfall. He watched as the rain streaked across the window in front of him, drifting in and out of the mares that haunted him both day and night.

The train reached the next station and a few passengers boarded. A cliché of sorts, a middle-aged man wearing a worn out brown business suit and a tattered briefcase, an elderly woman with brown paper grocery bags stuffed into a wireframe pull-along cart; He smirked beneath the mask when a small boy carrying two race cars and wearing a small superhero backpack boarded with his mother.  They sat a few seats down, across from him. She was a young and moderately pretty woman. She appeared exhausted as if she was working double shifts and the only working in the house. She was wearing a diner uniform and her name tag read Beth. That was the name of my mother, the man thought to himself.

The boy played with his blue and red race cars, making squealing tire and quick shift acceleration sounds as he pushed them around in the seat next to him. He accidentally dropped one of the cars. As he reached down to pick the car up it rolled away and bumped into the man's boot. The little boy looked up and froze. His stare locked on the black armored figure sitting in front of him, his eyes were fixed on his own reflection that came from the mirrored mask that was aimed at him now.

 The man looked intimidating, knives, guns and thick black plates of armor that were not covered by the long tattered trench coat; it did not help set the boy at ease, nor anyone else that had boarded the railway. He reached down and pushed the car back toward the little boy; his leather gloves, boots, and duster creaked as they tightened around his form and weapons.

The car went right past the boy's shoes and hit the wall of the railcar behind him. "Charlie!" The mother cried out softly. "It's not polite to stare.” The boy leaned down and picked up the car and continued to stare at the mask, occasionally glancing at the various weapons as the rail car lights flickered, and glinted off of them.

"Sorry, he doesn't mean any harm!" The mother softly stated. "It's fine, I had a boy once." He replied. "Oliver, he was a curious kid." The woman shifted in the seat growing increasingly uncomfortable with the past tense direction of his statements. She couldn't imagine what could have happened to him. Did it involve his son? Is that why he spoke of him in the past tense? Why all the weapons? Why the mask? She pulled her son closer.
 
The rail cars came to a stop and the passengers got off in a mild hurry. The next stop entered Crater Heights, a heavily patrolled area for the Demonios de la Muerte Latinos, Latin Death Devils. The groups lower ranked members start out collecting tolls from passengers using the rail system through their turf.  

Several Death Devils entered the rail car and took immediate notice of the man sitting alone. One of the Devils’ started walking towards him he pulled his duster close to cover the weapons; they weren't his target tonight.

The Devil reached him and kicked his shoe. “Hey, what's with the masked freak?” The man refused to answer. The Devil looked over to his crew, whistled and motioned for them to come over. The Devils surrounded the man were he sat. The first Devil pulled a knife out and tapped the mask. “Hey b***h, are you deaf?” The group started making comments trying to get a rise out of the man; all went unanswered. Again the first Devil tapped on the mask with his knife. “Check this out!” A second Devil pulled out a .38 special and tapped the mask. “Maybe he's blind bro!” A third Devil said. “Nah he's not blind. You're not blind, are you freak?!” The second Devil pushed the barrel of the gun against the mask and pulled the hammer back.

Before anyone knew what happened, the second Devils hand was in mid air still grasping the gun. His blood sprayed all three Devils in the face causing them to squint. The man grabbed the knife from the knife-wielding Devil and planted it into his cheek and finished him with a crushing punch to the throat. The third Devil began to stumble towards the door. The man picked up the hand holding the gun, wrapped his hand around it and sent a single bullet to his forehead. The second Devil still screaming in pain and gripping his hand looked paler by the second from the loss of blood. Screaming he asked, “Who the f**k are you?!” The man looked down at him and threw the dying hand at his chest and replied, “Retribution."

Author's Note

Is it engaging enough to want more? Are there enough questions that you want answers too? Can you wait two or more books to get the answers? Is there a good balance of story, action, and intrigue?

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

Very engaging and intriguing. The reader wants to get more scope on this mysterious man and those awful gangs...Good riddance to all gangs...:)...........

[Demons & Beasts]

Thank you for reading Sami! It means the world, stay tuned for more!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome....::::)))

[Sinbulvinter]

Very engaging, that's for sure, and doesn't take long to get into the action. I like that.
There's certainly a lot of questions I'm curious about, like who is this man and why does he do whatever it is he does (because it certainly seems like he has some purpose behind the weapons and getup)? Why did this man have so many weapons? What'd he mean by "I had a boy once."? Very curious and thoughtprovoking chapter for sure.
It does have a good balance, I believe. I'm not much of an action type of person, but it seems to fit the genre judging by the style of this chapter and the atmosphere of it.

You are a very good writer, that I can tell, and you have a lot of skill in writing and story telling. This chapter is very well crafted and I can see you've put work into it and planned things out.
I'll keep an eye out for more. =)

[Demons & Beasts]

Thank you so much for the review, and the compliments. I have read some of your work as well and am looking forward to reading more of it.

[Sinbulvinter]

You're very welcome, and thank you for checking out my work. I will certainly keep an eye out for the next chapter of your tale here. Very good start!