Confession (Part 1)

A Poem by Derek Barnes

I open up about my faith and battle with depression. I don't want a dispute over beliefs. I just want to share a piece of material that's personal.

Just want to share with you all an open confession/ for so many years I've dealt with depression/ I've wrestled with suicidal thoughts and even had those tendencies/ is this to real for you to hear, oh please/ if I can't be honest in church then by all means tell me where I can be/ but, let me drop the negativity and get to the power of a testimony/ I've had points in my life where I treated God like he didn't matter/ ran for peace in so many directions, but it was always him that I was after/ I thought maybe I should change myself for the world to be more accepted/ and the more I tried I steadily realized that I wasn't anything the world's eyes/ it was only God that could see that there was any value within me/ so much that he sent his only son to Calvary/ to forgive me of the sins that I still struggle with or give into willingly/ it's a daily battle and unfortunately I don't always get the victory/ that's only because sometimes I tend to rely on the strength I have within me/ then I learned how to fight back properly and that's when I let God throw the punches for me/ I've never seen a situation that was more massive than the God I serve/ if you state otherwise you must have forgotten that he created this entire universe/ and even though I've stated all of this don't think the depression is entirely destroyed/ it's still there cause I still try to let other things fill the void/ so don't think I'm perfect for a moment just because I say I'm a Christian/ I've been led astray so many times and I've walked away from pursuing God's vision/ this has led me to drastic scenarios that I never wanted to be involved in/ and that's when I tended to find my way back to him again/ now, here I am and I refuse to let the devil get his grip back onto me/ I won't fall victim to the way he wants me to go/ so whenever I'm gone you best believe it wasn't of an accord of my own/ it was because God said it was time for me come home/ this is just me being fully honest, it may have sounded like a therapy session/ but, all you'll ever hear from me is the truth in my confessions...