Bait

Bait

A Poem by Moonflower



You were pinned
to the backdrop
all wires and sound
a deafening ache
of desires unbound

and they laughed at
you simply
all snickers and snorts
as your body
was trembling
all weak, out of sorts

Did you rest in the gallows,
as the moon hung all
bright
When the water was shallow
on the edge 
of the night

Still nailed to the backdrop
all pins in the sky
A black hole was your mouth
and buttons for eyes







© 2012 Moonflower



Author's Note

Moonflower
Nothing's worth Meaning, you are the mind.

My Review

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Reviews

This is original, unique, and shows skill in your writing.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Moonflower

4 Years Ago

Thank you very much
Steve

4 Years Ago

This write makes me wonder about its meaning. I have read it several times.
Very rhythmic song like piece.
If you ever go for revising or rewriting certain stanzas,please give some touch on the first stanza as well.
You may make it six line stanza as the second and third to make them similar.
Best luck!


Posted 4 Years Ago


Moonflower

4 Years Ago

Thank you for the suggestive review, I appreciate it
zainul

4 Years Ago

You are most welcome.:)
real cool imagery and a sad story. again your words dace down the page, bravo. my favorite part is your authors note, it is very true and meaningful

Posted 4 Years Ago


Moonflower

4 Years Ago

Thank you
This reads so very cleanly. I like the word arrangement as least as much as the word choice.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Moonflower

4 Years Ago

I appreciate that, thanks
Rich and so cleverly written ... Chapeau x

Posted 5 Years Ago


Moonflower

5 Years Ago

Thanks so much for reading and enjoying ^_^

5 Years Ago

Very welcome, my pleasure always :)
A black hole was your mouth and buttons for eyes.
I like that...its interesting because in a song I wrote called "when we see what we missed." I use an very similar image. Very fond of this write.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Moonflower

5 Years Ago

Glad to know you have enjoyed it, I really liked that metaphor as well. Thanks for commenting :)
Usually I don't like ryhming in poetry, but you pulled it off in this one, so yea for yoU! lol Not sure if the last stanza is needed--too much of a closure/pretty bow wrapping.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Moonflower

5 Years Ago

I'm thinking I'll go back and try to rewrite that last stanza, wish me luck
eglantine

5 Years Ago

luck!
Moonflower

5 Years Ago

Thanks haha
Good to be able to read your poetry. Poem cut to the chase and I like the direct and honest tone to each statement. I read the poem twice for the pleasure of the words and your thoughts. A strong ending to the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 5 Years Ago


Moonflower

5 Years Ago

Good to hear from you, Coyote. Thank you for reading and commenting. :)
Des... how I have missed the razor blade writing that drips from your pen...

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Moonflower

5 Years Ago

and how I have missed your lovely reviews. Please, do come back for more.
I love the ambiguity of this

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Moonflower

5 Years Ago

Thank you, dear

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397 Views
10 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on September 4, 2012
Last Updated on September 11, 2012

Author

Moonflower
Moonflower

Louisville, KY



About
Hello :) My name is Desiree. What brings me to this website is my love for poetry and storytelling. At this time I consider myself more of a poet, than a writer or author. I do not have the pa.. more..

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