trapped- bottle- broken- (the message in a bottle)

 

tempt to taste the poison

tainted by the seas

the moon it turns the tides

the restless brought to ease

 

I'll throw the thrown back

in somber black

to not would defeat the purpose-

 

the brought back in moves out again

and cast to the waves that flow from within

 

be it chance to be by chance...

a whole hearted significance

maybe nothing would ever come of it

sink the sunken legitimate

 

bitter thoughts bound by bitter clash

differences collapse the crash

 

through vast, immense eternity

a limitless infinity

 

drown by the void of a stranded way

one by one by one astray-

that dance on the waters to a distant shore

to be buried in the sand and fear to fend for

 

the "I" the "you" and the in-between

the left unheard and left unseen

 

written are the screams that the heart has spoken

thrown are the dreams of a trapped bottle broken

 

a message trapped in the shades of blue

tainted-poison-sweet-  the message-

       "I love you"

Reviews

[Oz in Exile]

Hey Mel. Some really clever language in this poem. I think I would actually like it better though, without the rhyme scheme. I understand the desire to work within a structure but in this instance, it almost feels detrimental to the message of the piece. And I think it is an important and exciting message - the notion of a message in a bottle has always had appeal to me. If you'd like some assistance with your work, feel free to contact me.

[Michael X]

melody, i am absolutely amazed by the way you are able to express
the passion of heart, its touching in eloquence alone, the meaning
is depthfully charged, reflecting a heightened state of perception,
you are a talented writer, never cease to enchant me, this poem
shows a perspective rarely seen, the aspect is completely artful
in a moving way of thought design, i have to say i loved the creative
aspect, your imagination truly know no bounds, and i always find it
a blissful joy to read your soul surrendering, work that desires to be
read over and over, this is abstract brilliance, keep it up! mike

[deathcabxcutiex]

heya, thanks for the review:o)

this piece is interesting, some bits really struck me. I think this would be interesting as spoken word...

favorite lines:
"I'll throw the thrown back
in somber black"
"the "I" the "you" and the in-between
the left unheard and left unseen"

[Legion]

"be it chance to be by chance...
a whole hearted significance
maybe nothing would ever come of it
sink the sunken legitimate" - that was truly poetic and inspiring.

The whole poem was well done. Love sighted from the crow's nest. :)

[Rain]

This was a great piece. I hate to use the word "great" to describe a tormented poem, but your words were powerful, and you did what you always should try..and that is end with a jolt..and you did..
written are the screams that the heart has spoken
thrown are the dreams of a trapped bottle broken
a message trapped in the shades of blue
tainted-poison-sweet- the message-
"I love you"

That is a great ending. Rain..

[Robert Luna]

Wow I really liked the way you capture the purity of a feeling a displayed in a way that we could all see and feel it along with you. I think that is something that most writer that write about love miss and is one of the reason I normal stay away from love poetry in reviewing because to often people fall short of capture the core of the emotion. I fell if you are going to write about an emotion you should make your read feel it and not read about it. You did that very effectively here. Wrote something I walk away from feeling to the core of myself. Leaving me understand what love is that you speak of. I really enjoyed this.

[Pema Dorje]

your imagery is well writ, in your singular style and wit and the flow it seems, sings softly in these binary streams and so the last stroph cries your insight for all to realize! the use of contrasts is Poetics form it catches the unwary in that word duality so the Zen of meaning lights through; the sentiment is Lovely as well...

language is a constraint
which Poetry suffers
by bleeding its meaning
between the cuts of its wonder!