Return of The Sun

Strength been spread by your long extended arms
Men smile in green pasture farms
Joy lights in down-trodden hearts
after the long fight with down-sky darts

When you crept from behind the cloud
My voice swept from behind out loud
Farther, far, I couldn't hug
Round rabble did only shrug

- Dinali Jayasuriya 

Reviews

[eglantine]

*strength has been

"down-sky darts" i like what you are attempting here, but it isn't quite working. "down-sky" just sounds too forced, too heavy.

thanks for sharing

[Dinali Sathma]

I wanted it to mean rain ... seems as if it hadn't been a good approach.
Your welcome

[Salar Majak]

this is a beautiful peice, short, but beautiful, nice use of words, i love this! thanks for the opportunity to read this

[Dinali Sathma]

Thankyou for the review

[Phillitup]

This has some good vocabulary and definitely has an edge of curiosity and mystery. I think you did wonderfully. At first I wasn't so sure if rhyming fit this poem or not...it actually gives it quite an edge of uncertainty. Some serene point of view. Nice work.

[Dinali Sathma]

I didn't understand what you said about the rhyming. And I used a thesaurus to help me its always useful. Thank you again :)

[Phillitup]

I meant that I wasn't sure if rhyming made the poem good or not in the end, it does.

[Dinali Sathma]

Oh. I get you now :) Could decipher what " down-sky darts " meant