You are my

You are my

A Poem by Jordan Smith
"

When you can't just list your true love in one way

"
You are my
ice cream sundae
My special desert
that satisfies my hunger

You are my
tall drink of water
The very refreshment
I need in my life

You are my
Blue Jay
Soaring above and
beyond the rest

You are my
Pine Tree
Fresh like
a new morning

You are my
rose
The very thing
I love the most

You are my
flowing river
How my love for you
flows through my veins

You are my
car
The very thing I want to
ride off into the sunset with

© 2016 Jordan Smith


Author's Note

Jordan Smith
Please RATE/REVIEW/CRITIQUE/SHARE as I really would like to see what yall think of this poem. I wrote this poem as part of an assignment in my Creative Writing College course. Thank You for reading.

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Featured Review

I think this really drives the point of love home. While it is almost impossible to describe/explain love, we can try. And I think that by listing all of the little things in life that are cherished, and comparing it to that, says love very well. Well done! :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

You are my
Blue Jay
Soaring above and
beyond the rest
these really touched my heart
love this poem

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I think this really drives the point of love home. While it is almost impossible to describe/explain love, we can try. And I think that by listing all of the little things in life that are cherished, and comparing it to that, says love very well. Well done! :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very unusual take on this topic. The repetition was a nice touch, though I was a bit put off by the, as Siobahn McKenna put it, triteness of the whole thing. I did like the implications of the metaphors.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

love the repetition, easy to understand & as soft & sweet as a sundae indeed :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified... It just sounded like you wanted to ingest me in some way!

In all seriousness. I like it. I feel like some of the things you are comparing said potentially edible person/thing to could be considered a little trite. Unless its suppose to be ironic? I don't know you, but I bet you can do better if that's not the case.
In my opinion, Pablo Neruda writes the best love poetry ever and the examples he uses are beautiful, are you familiar with his work?
No offense to you, and I see everyone else has given you amazing reviews, but I feel the purpose of the reviews are to tell you our true opinion and hopefully try to relay some constructive criticism and not jut tell you how great you are. Everyone is great already because it's their own experience, but obviously we all want to be better.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jordan Smith

7 Years Ago

I really do appreciate all the constructive criticism. It will really help me become a better writer.. read more
beautiful metaphors! You have written some impressive images that the reader can see easily. Great poem!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Beautiful poem. I really enjoyed reading this.
You are my
rose
The very thing
I love the most
This is my favorite stanza because of the rhyme scheme in it. I think this poem could benefit from a similar rhyme scheme throughout, but that aside this is beautifully written and I enjoyed reading it - definitely put a smile on my face < 3

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Stats

492 Views
7 Reviews
Rating
Added on May 24, 2016
Last Updated on May 24, 2016
Tags: Love, Romance, Sundae, Blue Jay, Rose, River, Diamond

Author

Jordan Smith
Jordan Smith

Houston, TX



About
"All our dreams come true if we have the courage to pursue them" -Walt Disney I am an aspiring sports play by play broadcaster who writes poetry on the side. Trying to get back into it after a long.. more..

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