Inner Struggle

Inner Struggle

A Poem by Jessica Lima

Every morning when I wake

I ask myself why:

Why have I been given,

a second chance to try?


When my strength is gone

And my faith has died...

Only I hear the screams,

Echoing inside my mind.


And still I smile...

As they give me 'the eye'.

I hear their whispers...

"If only she would try..."


Makes me mad,

And I choke on a cry,

It drowns me slowly,

As I bleed from the inside.









© 2017 Jessica Lima



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This has deep emotion that elicits a je-ne-sais-quoi sensation. It questions our existence in a philosophical way and then shows us the internal battle. The musicality gets a bit wonky in a couple of places ("as strangers give me the eye" is one of them.....there's no need for "strangers" since previously you have used the impersonal "they" and that has a greater power to it.....the other place is "echoing inside my mind".....the way the first three lines flow into each other isn't complemented by this line, given by the way the line flow, you're first hard down beat is the "side" in " inside" which is a lot of syllables in to stretch the line to...and so it doesn't sound quite as good to the ear as it should). Also, is "downs me slowly" supposed to read "drowns"? Just wondering. This has potential overall, and is indeed poised to being a poetic gem. Well done!

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jessica Lima

5 Months Ago

I have made a couple of changes. Thank You for the valuable review. I have not written any poetry fo.. read more
emipoemi

5 Months Ago

It reads much better. I would slide that "only" after "i hear", otherwise it would appear to have a .. read more



Reviews

This has deep emotion that elicits a je-ne-sais-quoi sensation. It questions our existence in a philosophical way and then shows us the internal battle. The musicality gets a bit wonky in a couple of places ("as strangers give me the eye" is one of them.....there's no need for "strangers" since previously you have used the impersonal "they" and that has a greater power to it.....the other place is "echoing inside my mind".....the way the first three lines flow into each other isn't complemented by this line, given by the way the line flow, you're first hard down beat is the "side" in " inside" which is a lot of syllables in to stretch the line to...and so it doesn't sound quite as good to the ear as it should). Also, is "downs me slowly" supposed to read "drowns"? Just wondering. This has potential overall, and is indeed poised to being a poetic gem. Well done!

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jessica Lima

5 Months Ago

I have made a couple of changes. Thank You for the valuable review. I have not written any poetry fo.. read more
emipoemi

5 Months Ago

It reads much better. I would slide that "only" after "i hear", otherwise it would appear to have a .. read more

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Added on July 10, 2017
Last Updated on July 10, 2017

Author

Jessica Lima
Jessica Lima

Las Vegas, NV



About
I'm kind of a big dork. Very, VERY geeky. I love poetry, and that's 90% of what I write. Life is chaos, and Poetry... isn't. It is something you can control, that's why my poetry always rhymes. I love.. more..

Writing