Sullivan's Island

Inspired by Krystal Water's "Shore Line and Sandels"... The beach, the beach, my kingdom for a beach... well, not really but close :)

Sullivan’s Island

The sky is blue, the sun is hot
Wisps of cotton float across the sky
The sound of gulls fills my ears
Air is the aroma of the salt sea

A black two lane cut by twin yellow lines
A bridge, a road, the usual place to park
A sense of expectation rises
Excited eyes look east

The air is cooled by a seaborne breeze
The white sidewalk is hot to unshod feet
Tall grasses waving beckon us forth
Towels and lotion in hand we march

Sand covered wooden walks lead the way
Slick wet steps, evidence of passersby
Thorny little grasses clutch at exposed skin
Sugar sand beckons just beyond the dunes

Crashing waves and squeals of children
A barking dog, a flying kite
Eastward calls to the slower make haste
Savoring the moment crossing the last dune

Oiled bodies laying on wind tossed mats
Coolers of beverages and ill-behaved umbrellas
Flying disks and girls crying watch out
Arms hugging bodies as the first waves hit

Sitting and watching, soaking the sun
Conversations only half heard
Distant ships setting out or returning home
Sails skipping over waves or lolling in the breeze

Coaxed into moving, cajoled for just sitting
The waves are calling, the waves are calling
The first ginger step barefooted on sugar sand
Run to the wet part, come rushing wave

Ankle deep, current pulling sand
Feet sinking slowly, toes covered slightly
Cold salt water lapping at my feet
Another step deeper, a splash at my knee

A silly grin on my face, I’m five once again
A woman just squealed, a wave struck her back
Deeper I go, it’s up to my waist
It’s always colder than remembered, I dive in

Time travels quickly, hours slip past
Lunch is eaten, beverages drank
Castles built, castles washed away
Friends are chased, laughter given

The sun falls westward, the air grows cold
The chill in the water heightened by the wind
The sun loses its strength, clouds mask its warmth
Last attempts to do anything to forestall the end

At last all things are packed, nothing forgotten
Sugar sand dunes covered in footsteps
The sun steadily falls westward, westward
The car is full of sand that persists, everyone is ready

A black two lane cut by twin yellow lines
A bridge, a road, the usual way home
A sense of expectation fulfilled
Sleepy eyes look east

The sky is orange and red, the sun goes to sleep
Majestic brush strokes paint the sky
The sound of road noise fills my ears
The air is the aroma of the sea and oil

The sky is dark, the lights are on
Sleepy eyes shut, their day is done
Familiar streets arrive, turns are taken
The car is stopped, we are home

Note: Inspired by Krystal Waters’ “Shore Line and Sandels”
 

Reviews

[Vanessa Whiteley]

A nice opening stanza sets the scene well and I like the way you take the reader with you in the second stanza. It is as if the reader is in the car with you. Great. One can, almost, feel the heat coming through the soles of one�s feet. I�m not sure about �march� � that sounds a bit regimented, unless, you mean that you were playing. It doesn�t fit either the mood of excitement or that leisurely feeling of being by the beach. I think I would add a hyphen to sand-covered and to passers-by.
I think I would prefer �slow� rather than �slower� because it helps with the flow. Albeit, I can see that gives you five single syllable words in a row. Oh, I like the ill-behaved umbrellas. That�s a great line. There is a nice use of sibilance in this stanza.

Sitting and watching, soaking the sun
Conversations only half heard
Distant ships setting out or returning home
Sails skipping over waves or lolling in the breeze

And I like the repetition of �The waves are calling, the waves are calling� seems to echo the movement of the waves.

I don�t like two adverbs on one line. Adverbs should be used as little as possible. �Feet sinking slowly, toes covered slightly� Maybe, �Feet sink slow, toes covered slightly.�

I know you�ve used ellipsis in a number of places but in this line I don�t think you get away with it. �It�s always colder than remember, I dive in�. I�d use the first person twice. �It�s always colder than I remember, I dive in�. If possible I would avoid telling the reader but use imagery instead. I�d cut �Time travels quickly, hours slip past� and trust that you have connoted this. And, you have in the rest of this stanza and the following one.

Lunch is eaten, beverages drank
Castles built, castles washed away
Friends are chased, laughter given

The sun falls westward, the air grows cold
The chill in the water heightened by the wind
The sun loses its strength, clouds mask its warmth
Last attempts to do anything to forestall the end

Again you use an adverb in �The sun steadily falls westward, westward� whereas, the repetition of westward, westward, does that for you. I like the way you return the reader to the road - taking them with you on the homeward journey. Again, I�m not sure about the ellipsis in �Majestic brush strokes paint across sky� moreover, across is unnecessary because if they�re brush strokes one presumes across, unless they were going up and down which improbable in relation to the sky. Maybe, �Majestic brush strokes paint the sky�. I was pondering the problem of two definite articles so close together when I realised that there is a problem with �The sound of road noise fills my ears� because noise is a sound so you are stating the obvious again. I�d cut �The sound of� as you only need �road noise fills my ears�. Mind I love the way you have threaded the senses throughout. � Air is the aroma of the sea and oil� is a wonderful line and that final stanza is delightful.

[We are young.]

amazing, I love poems like this. Great writing, setting, and poetry skills, I am so jelous that you can write like this.

[Blackbirdsong]

This was a lovely trip through this place. I could almost hear gulls and the tide coming in as I read this. You really studied this place and then wonderfully shared it with everyone who reads this poem. Thank you for sharing this.

take care :)

[Helen Woodward]

You are a keen observer, as good writers are. You take your reader for a drive describing the sights as you go, intense panorama and "beachy things" fill your well-written stanzas.
There is something wholesome and "normal" about this that I like very much. Most poetry is too obscure with metaphors these days and although it's meant to be clever it just annoys me. I understood this, didn't need to get out the thesaurus!
Drank/drunk???? Not sure which is the plural here...Terrific write Doc!

[Collie]

Thanks...I very much enjoyed this...took me back to many sunny days spent in the sun and sand. Damn I wish Dallas was closer to the coast :)

[Hh/happy Bunny Lives On..]

I felt my toes ebb in with the shoreline... What a wonderful poem.

[TL Boehm]

This brought back the sand dunes and splashing waves at Lake Michigan for me...loved the images - the white sidewalk and tall grasses, Loved the sounds....kids playing - and I especially liked the repeated s sound throughout the poem - it is that sound that sand and surf make - a gentle wind makes - this poem had so many lovely images and qualities to it. Man, I am itchy for vacation now...peace.

[Ismael Rodriguez Jr.]

this is one hell of a write. i can smell the ocean air hear waves hit the shore. you captured all the little details perfectly.

[Robert Luna]

This is a great write. I could see, feel, and smell every image that your words painted. You did a terrific job really bringing the reader to a place that exist in your memories or thoughts perfectly. The way you captured the little details that really brought an ownership to your words and images. Very impressive sometimes it is hard for a writer of novels and stories to limit themselves to write in a poem format. But you have really shown what a true artist you are and are not limited to writing one style of work.

Wonderful Job!!!

[Krystal Waters]

Doc, this was truly a walk on the beach! A day of fun and laughter. Ahhhh, I want to go to the beach now!!! I think I'll have my husband take me next week. Oh how I miss it so much, now that you put everything in... sounds, the waves how they move and the water coming up to the toes and then diving in... a minute speeds by so fast and soon you are in the car... so sad... Until again... Frank Sinatra and the Summer Wind, playing in the back ground...Thank you for writing this!!!!

Oh yeah... I don't know, the hackers got to my page again. They just keep attacking I don't know why but I am glad you got to send this to me!!! I love it, going into my favorites!!!
Kristine