The Vacuum Disaster

I must say it really is good thing you take them, fun and frollics to be had by all.

.novelists.elite.info.
.display. Thomas Fitzgerald
.memberID. 028
.division. III
.division.leader. Vacant
.name. Thomas
.username. kissaled
.novels. Adrian, Memoirs of a Gay(sha)!
.status. Early Reader, Early Writer
.join date. 06-27-11

Posted 12 Years Ago

Overall, I would say you have a fun little tale beginning with these two chapters. It has it's fair share of spelling and other issues that wobble the flow a little, but they are things that are easily fixed. What I really liked about the story line you had brewing was the spoofing of the Adams Family, mixing it with a Vacuum Cleaner. While the Adams Family may be something everyone knows and can identify with, the idea of a out of control and evil Vacuum is new, fresh and funny.
If you choose to continue this tale, I would make one suggestion. Try to take the readers eyes and place them more onto what the Vacuum will do, and off of the actual people. After all I see the Vacuum ending up being the main character.

Great Start to a fun tale!
Wolfie

Posted 12 Years Ago

Thanks

Posted 12 Years Ago

Interesting title. I'll see if I can find something.

Posted 12 Years Ago