Feels Like Forever...

Woke up this morning, feels like forever since the mourning of your name...

In shame I hid tethered to fame, a blind grain of sand against a slimy flame

I'm gaining momentum like rain, a zany feelin' bein' clean

weaning myself off the draining lifestyle, my grind paid in dreams

My time stood-still, feels like December when your clever weather was stormy

I grew gills and stormed on... 

A starship trooper in September, I ran around in embers

no space vacuum in dust, I grin and shoulder on

In my holster a wand, it sings songs about wrongs

atrocities gonged through the city, a bong hit of infinity

I stare behind me and see her one last time in the rust of spaces left between us

I know she will not see this, I'm just a bleeding creature...

So whisper feels like forever

...Leave it

Reviews

[Robert Trakofler]

okay I wrote a song about twenty five years ago and reading this made me remember it its a bit sketchy in my sketchy bunny mind but.....
Woke up this morning,
got out of bed
evenings pleasure
drove in my head
don't know what I'm doing
maybe Ill find a job...
oh i can see now
I'll just pack my things and go
(refrain thing)
Life would be better
these things I'm sure I'll know
the Lowcale solution

okay you can go back to your regularly scheduled program :)

I say this partly of the intention of the write and partly because this reads like a song and like my song it sounds like a very happy tune but it is full of unhappy things in a sort of sardonic looney tunes melody
like my locale solution isn't one in dieting (change your lifestyle not your caloric intake!) and (change how you live not where you live and moving) to cure your ills neither is your write of blight and you scream it as such with a sublime beauty in that wonderful voice of yours. Oh yeah I love that you use mourning like me you are one sexy writer silent:) the the the the thats all the bunny has to say:)

[Chase Dylan]

A nice ditty, my friend...
Thanks for it, aha
Morning
Mourning
...Who could resist...
Not our sexy-voiced selves
I am merely happy to be a vessel of which to ship the feelz...
All that follows is a pleasure to see

[Sinbulvinter]

I love your rhyme structure, it really flows nicely.
Your choice of words are so raw and powerful.
Beautiful piece here

[Chase Dylan]

I appreciate the kindness, Miss. Sin... It is all about the flow...

[Tomás Ó C..]

Foundation for a rap lyric

[Chase Dylan]

Hah, thanks so much, Tomas, I always use hip hop beats for my writing... Good eye!

[Zoya]

Whoa, quite complex, with a deep meaning! The moment I started reading this, I just got lost in this poem of yours. You make it seem so easy, even though I know this isn't easy to write, not for me at least.
"I know she will not see this, i'm just a bleeding creature...
So whisper feels like forever
...Leave it" loved these lines!
Thanks for sharing. I loved it!

[Chase Dylan]

It is never "easy"... But I am incredibly happy I make it seem that way to you... Thank you, Zoe...

[Zoya]

Most welcome!

[Richard McLin]

This is a fantastic piece of poetry. I have had a rough time in the last few years trying to get back into writing poetry. This is one of the best ones I've read in some time. Wording and the structure are very well done.

[Chase Dylan]

Richard, that means the world to me, to hear about... Regardless of the perceived "quality", there is only one important thing about writing... That is to inspire others... Your words mean so much... Thank you...

[J.P. Bristow]

Great write......I grin and shoulder on...love that line!

[Chase Dylan]

I do as well... Because it adds a lightness to the gravity of the fires around me... Thanks, J.P...

[Sami Khalil]

Amazing and masterful leaving us wanting more of your fountain pen. I like escapism and mysticism and this surely has those gaining momentum and pondering.....:)..............

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you so much, SK, for the mystical words splattered here... Always gaining momentum! (Hopefully...)

[Sami Khalil]

All true...You are welcome ....:).....................

[emmajoy]

A bewilderment of fantasy for me, this post!

Sometimes one reads and steps into a nothing, other times, there's no escape.. your post is one of the latter, most definitely. And more.

The beat of the poem throbs, words metered, perhaps measured to produce crazed normality (yes, happens!) and - a dervish dance! Amazing what the writers notices, ponders over and then
looks back 'in the rust of spaces left between us' - dear lord, the dust..

[Chase Dylan]

Emma... Thank you... I have not much else to say... To be more than an escape... To inspire dust between rust, DERVISH DANCE?!... Crazed normality... (Apparently so...) The tips of my ears throb from the heat of embarrassment, haha... Dear lord, thank you for the glorious insight...

[CAPOLAVORO]

This one is s good that it allows me to feel at the same time see it.
"a blind grain of sand against a slimy flame" - sometimes we really do try to hide yet some certain tormenting flame tries to still put us out in the open with emotions of hurt deep inside making it come out.

"weaning myself off the draining lifestyle" - a heartbroken persons could do some certain wrong moves in life since the direction is nowhere to be found yet at the end part I like how the way you still manage to be brave in hiding the feelings instead of letting her see it.

Great!

-Capolavoro

[Chase Dylan]

Your kind review, and enjoyment of my words, fills me with gratitude... Slimy flames are scary, indeed, and the drain of a selfish life can be troublesome, best to not let all see the pain across your face...

[wordman]

WELL WE NEVER KNOW ABOUT THE FLIP SIDE OF LOVE TILL IT`S TO LATE Y FRIEND

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks, Wordman, and no, we do not...

[Mr.Writer]

This is very well worded! You described everything so well and nothing was forced! It felt like a beautiful poem to read and enjoy... :)

[Chase Dylan]

It felt like a beautiful piece to write, as well, my friend... Thanks