Before Metaphors

Before Metaphors

A Poem by Silente
"

Metal forged...

"
Before the metaphors and metal forged I sat ignored and lonesome
 alone and broken...
 Groanin' in an ocean of token defeat
 rote motions
 dead-feet
 my feats retreat...
 Bleeding dreams and fleeced sheep
 eaten lacking wheat
 a sheath for elite-meat-treats and bleep-heaps...
 Driven deeper-steeper
 hear her cry when satellites fly...
 I sit outside and mind my own business...
 But in this bees nest I'm best before checks in reality
 I'm a liability for the masks of sentimental sentinels brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry...
Sodden grease and I follow-she
 all ah-me
 and I'm falling-free... 
Solemn freeze
 and I'm free-falling asleep... 


© 2017 Silente



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Featured Review

I like the way this is laid out kind of looks like an anvil! This is probably your most accessible work yet, but still full of vivid images. Great stuff!
One suggestion if you want it. In the line ' I'm a liability for the masks of sentimental sentinels brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry...' I would change the last word to 'banality' because it just clidks better with 'reality'. Try it and see what you think.

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente

5 Months Ago

Actually... I like that, hah, thanks for the new word... It is def' better in this instance, I would.. read more
The Iron Horseman

5 Months Ago

You're very welcome, my friend. I'm glad you liked the idea.



Reviews

I'm speechless. I dig this.

Posted 1 Week Ago


very nice!! i like your rhymes and also sentimental sentinels great stuff

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente

2 Weeks Ago

Thanks very much, appreciated, I liked that line...
Word usage, off the charts; nearly bewildering.
Starkly unique imagery.
A stunning read!


Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente

2 Weeks Ago

A stunning review, Thank you so much, Jimmy... Especially for making me laugh earlier with your work.. read more
Interesting wordplay here. Good vocabulary, but I truly do not know what you are trying to say. Sorry. Lydi*

Posted 2 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente

2 Weeks Ago

A good sum of my poems are a "tad" abstract, mostly personal metaphors... Thank you for appreciating.. read more
Again with the great rhymes!


Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente

2 Months Ago

Thanks...!
A lot of vivid and unclear images have been painted into my mind. Well done!

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente

4 Months Ago

Thank you very much...!
This piece is full of vivid imagery

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente

4 Months Ago

Equally, this review is full of vivid words, thanks very much, Poetic.
the flow is superb. The imagery and metaphor are to be aspired too by most other "amateur" poets. yet you achieve this level of vivid fluidity with almost alarming consistency and ease. very well done and thought provoking.

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente

4 Months Ago

Thank you, Jeremy, it means a lot coming from such a talented artists as yourself...
I like the way this is laid out kind of looks like an anvil! This is probably your most accessible work yet, but still full of vivid images. Great stuff!
One suggestion if you want it. In the line ' I'm a liability for the masks of sentimental sentinels brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry...' I would change the last word to 'banality' because it just clidks better with 'reality'. Try it and see what you think.

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente

5 Months Ago

Actually... I like that, hah, thanks for the new word... It is def' better in this instance, I would.. read more
The Iron Horseman

5 Months Ago

You're very welcome, my friend. I'm glad you liked the idea.
Great use of vocabulary, very descriptive and vivid. Keep it up!

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Silente

5 Months Ago

Thanks very much, Hale, a vivid and wonderful review. I appreciate it

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1435 Views
58 Reviews
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Shelved in 6 Libraries
Added on June 5, 2017
Last Updated on June 6, 2017
Tags: Poetry, Dark, Life, Sad, adventure, death, depression, family, fantasy, fiction, hope, horror, love, magic, mystery, pain, poem, romance, story

Author

Silente
Silente

Denver, CO



About
When you have no words... Go find them! They get lost easily... (Seriously) Moving "Pure Rhymes" onto a free social platform... Come join like-minded individuals in an environment created by com.. more..

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