Before Metaphors

Before the metaphors and metal forged I sat ignored and lonesome

 alone and broken...

 Groanin' in an ocean of token defeat

 rote motions

 dead-feet

 my feats retreat...

 Bleeding dreams and fleeced sheep

 eaten lacking wheat

 a sheath for elite-meat-treats and bleep-heaps...

 Driven deeper-steeper

 hear her cry when satellites fly...

 I sit outside and mind my own business...

 But in this bees nest I'm best before checks in reality

 I'm a liability for the masks of sentimental sentinels brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry...

Sodden grease and I follow-she

 all ah-me

 and I'm falling-free... 

Solemn freeze

 and I'm free-falling asleep... 

Reviews

[emmajoygreen]

You certainly shuffle your thoughts, sir.. and yet, somehow in shuffling, create a cascade of liquid gold. I hesitate to read back and back to when first written, and will sit still to keep my own promise but feel that there will be many different observation about the meaning of this or that. Your meter had me reading louder and louder til I'm tempted to say, the walls rocked but.. Obviously the words are laid at someone else's feet,

' I sit outside and mind my own business...
But in this bees nest I'm best before checks in reality
I'm a liability for the masks of sentimental sentinels brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry...
Sodden grease and I follow-she.. '

onwards into space, dark and light, dancing through time to your own heartbeat but wrapped- within someone else's reflection. Need read this again

[Chase Dylan]

Thanks very much, Emma Green.
It would certainly not be too much to state the rocking of walls that transpired upon reading.
I am, after all...
Dylan, the Shaker of Walls

[emmajoy]

Reading your poetry is like riding a roller-coaster of where the heck am i going! You use language with such striking force, one's mind pauses, thinks then moves on none the wiser but on fire. Is that your brilliant doing or my inadequate understanding? Don't know but... will read on!

[Chase Dylan]

Twice on one poem... Roller-coasters galore, it seems in the minds of my readers... Fire that is none the wiser... Definitely my brilliant doing...! Maybe a pinch of inadequacy... But I think that affects us all... Thank you, Emma... Read on...!

[emmajoy]

Re. roller-coaster: promise, I don't read others' reviews because here here to read your words! Guess i should have said that your thoughts meander ups and downs, round and arounds!

[Chase Dylan]

Hey... That almost sounds like a... Roller coaster...! Haha, I do not read others reviews in most instances, either... No worries, I am actually flattered two people took the same ride...

[Great Aunt Astri]

Love it! Reading your poem is like riding a roller coaster, fast, mind-bending, smooth and thrilling. And all wih well placed and interesting use of words. At the end I started 'free-falling' 'too, not asleep, but with utter admiration!

[Chase Dylan]

Loved the review, Astri... Was a coaster of mind-bending appreciation... Smooth... Thanks very much...

[andrew mitchell]

When the mind is busy in mind chatter its nice to freefall into sleep. I like it!

[Chase Dylan]

Sleep is the best remedy to... Everything, hah... Thanks, Andrew...!

[Krutika]

Free fall indeed.. But the one that rattles the senses! The words served their purpose my friend👍

[Chase Dylan]

I am glad, friend... Thanks very much... A rattling fall of freedom, good idea...

[CAPOLAVORO]

As always, yours is truly powerful and this time more emotional. Almost cried reading it. Truly wonderful. :)

[Chase Dylan]

D'aw, Cap... Do not cry...! Hah, I appreciate it, thanks very much

[Brett Hernan]

A powerful rendering of an amplified emotional self-obfuscation with the use of incredibly vibrant and expansive word play. This piece really fleshes out out an expression of emotional and mental conundrum intensely and entirely with it's own uniquely personal beat.
Thank you, Silente, for it, (and for pointing it out to me!)

[Chase Dylan]

Oh, jeez, Brett... You sound like me...! Hah, thanks very much for the well-rounded and intelligent summary of perception... Is is uncannily accurate...! You are welcome, and thanks again for the wonderful words...

[Brett Hernan]

Your work very much reminds me of my own, (at about what I am estimating from your photograph, is your age, which I can only assume from the image which it contains that you are on the side known as 'fairly youthful'
(And lucky you!)
Some of my earliest work I was reading a few days ago, on Saturday, and the only major difference was that your poems were distinctly longer, contained greater insight and depth of expression, far more fluid use of syntax and grammar, form and vocabulary dynamism and make actual logical sense, whereas mine, were pretty short, repetitive, and altogether, quite dumb!
(Oh well, you have to start somewhere!)
Danke Shoen!
Buenos noches, mi compadre.

12.49 AM Australian Eastern Daylight Time
Wednesday, June 14, 2017.

[wordman]

you have painted a colidiscope of images

[Chase Dylan]

I loved those as a kid...! Thanks for the unique words, Wordman...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

And after finding metaphors we seem stuck and confused on which to use lol
This was brilliant, Silente! Each line of your poem stands alone, I think...

[Chase Dylan]

I appreciate that, Yumna...! That seems to be my issue lately... What to use...

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Ditto, D! Lol 😶😛
You're welcome :)

[Carol Cashes]

I've always struggled with poetry, both the writing of it and the reading. This. Now, this I loved. The symbology was POWERFUL and the cadence was smooth. Yeah. Just...yeah.

[Chase Dylan]

Yeah... Just yeah.... I loved reading that, lol... You flatter me, Carol... Thank you very much for taking time out of your usual genre of interest...

[duff]

Hahaha, this is dope! You crushed it. It has a crazy unorthodox rhythm to it. It's almost a little toned down but polished up and by far one of my favorites of yours. The opening line sets the stage. Clean execution and my kind of reading. Hell ya man.

[Chase Dylan]

Thank you very much, Duff... It was absolutely polished a bit more in terms of clarity... Good eye...

[duff]

Anytime my friend

[Chase Dylan]

Yeah, sorry, man... Had a buncha life attack me at once... We gotta kick some freestyles around...!