Understanding usually requires accepted meaning or reference points that are easily communicated. There seems to be more attention here to rhyme than meaning and much of it seems contrived and meaningless without clearly communicating an expression that is not dedicated to the sound of the words. I have never been a fan of rhyme simply for rhyme's sake but believe poetry should express an elevation in communication of common or exceptional values. I had rather the message be clearly communicated without rhyme than with rhyme and without clarity or meaning. These are my thoughts and opinions on the piece but do not reflect the opinions or thoughts of the majority of reviewers here. It is clearly a matter of taste in art. But don't be discouraged. My artistic tastes revolt at that which many renowned critics consider masterpieces.
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
4 Years Ago
Thanks so much! Sorry it has taken a minute to reply! Been away for a while. Thank you, as well... F.. read moreThanks so much! Sorry it has taken a minute to reply! Been away for a while. Thank you, as well... For the real criticism...You are not alone in thinking "understanding" needs defined lines of expressionism... Without clear-cut meaning... Who knows... However, I like to think I have come across a happy medium since my time of writing this... Between meaning and abstract...
You're a chameleon bro. You have a style but things lately are evolving into something new and different. I like how you aren't afraid to change it up. Your opening says a lot.
"Intent I create craters in a maze of traitors"
Sick all day. I can't wait to get to Denver. It's going to be fun. Awesome stuff man.
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Hah, thank you, Duff... A chameleon, eh? Hmm, I like the sound of that, and no... I am NEVER afraid .. read moreHah, thank you, Duff... A chameleon, eh? Hmm, I like the sound of that, and no... I am NEVER afraid to change it up... Truthfully told... I have not even been writing with interest for even a full year... Had to have quite a few tragicly irreversible things happen to me... To unearth my caring for rhyming, that is... Have always loved books, they are more friend in most cases than humans... Hope to have some fun as well, friend...
You're welcome bro. Fearless, I like that. Well, I'm sorry those types of things had to happen but.. read moreYou're welcome bro. Fearless, I like that. Well, I'm sorry those types of things had to happen but I guess without them maybe we wouldn't be reading your writing which would be a shame. Books are great. I used to read a lot more than I do now. I think you just inspired me. Fun we shall have my friend:)
6 Years Ago
That is very true... I doubt you would be reading a single word of my stuff, heh... I used to read m.. read moreThat is very true... I doubt you would be reading a single word of my stuff, heh... I used to read more as well, not so much now, something I fervently wish changed...
6 Years Ago
I read but it's not sitting down with a book. More so just random stuff here and there. I can't si.. read moreI read but it's not sitting down with a book. More so just random stuff here and there. I can't sit still for too long.
A kaleidoscope of realities laced with rich imageries, rhyming. It is the layers of realities encountered in real life before applying esthetic filters to focus and reflect on one or two.
Damn, a review that shames the articulation of the actual poem... Beautifully and truthfully said..... read moreDamn, a review that shames the articulation of the actual poem... Beautifully and truthfully said... Thank you, Seeker, for the wise words...
6 Years Ago
My pleasure, Silente. Trust me, I take my learning seriously and in challenges posed by writings li.. read moreMy pleasure, Silente. Trust me, I take my learning seriously and in challenges posed by writings like yours, my learning and growth become one. I should be thanking you for doing that in fact.
6 Years Ago
Then, my friend, I am glad to have been a catalyst of growth... I take everything rather seriously, .. read moreThen, my friend, I am glad to have been a catalyst of growth... I take everything rather seriously, perfection is always sought... Am glad to know others are of the same mind when it comes to such things... Always learning, always pushing... We will thank each other for the mutual balance... Thank you, hah
Dude, this is incredible. I might suggest you structure the physical look of your poem in a different way, allowing you to signal pauses to the reader without using "dot-dot-dot." But other than that, amazing work.
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
You know, Ethan, I had the same thought about the ellipses... Getting a bit tired of them in all my .. read moreYou know, Ethan, I had the same thought about the ellipses... Getting a bit tired of them in all my poems... If you have any ideas, feel free to shoot them at me... I always take editors as well, hah... Thanks very much, friend, is always a pleasure to hear from such a dedicated student of the word...
"laughing.....crying"?...... I'm crying with laughter at the frantic way this poem moves and the juicy rhymes that hit the right notes every bang-on! "Marmalade-aid" is golden! Well done!
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
I appreciate it, Emi, and thank you... Hopefully crying with good laughter, the bad stuff requires a.. read moreI appreciate it, Emi, and thank you... Hopefully crying with good laughter, the bad stuff requires aid...
The flow is just magical..wonderfully penned...loved it..
"Now red-in-the-face I take a taste of fae-waste
that pale-place when aced of graceless lace I hasten traces of pages placed... " Loved the rhythm in these lines...it's so awesome...really love all your poem..the words are so fascinating..keep writing such masterpieces :)
You have the best eye for lines I have ever seen, Sofia...! Love the appreciation of my work, and th.. read moreYou have the best eye for lines I have ever seen, Sofia...! Love the appreciation of my work, and thank you so much... Always a delight hearing from such an aspiring, talented young artist...
Wow, I applaud you. Truly, you are gifted, and have such a way with weaving words and phrases, that create vivid images to ones own mind. I was mesmerized from the beginning till the very end.
Thank you for sharing such inspiring piece.
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Thank you for showing such love, Maria... I appreciate it greatly, and take your kind words to heart.. read moreThank you for showing such love, Maria... I appreciate it greatly, and take your kind words to heart... Thanks again...
6 Years Ago
You are most welcomed my friend. I love your writing and Duffs as well.
(bows) Dude, I feel that I am not worthy to read your amazing work. Your poetry takes the mind on a colourful journey that leaves one spinning and wanting to read more. I hope one day my poetry becomes as mind boggling as your's. :D (throws horns) From one metalhead to another..........YOU RULE, DUDE!!!! :D (crowd scrams) SILENTE! SILENTE! SILENTE!
The crowd is screaming, not scraming. (facepalm) Damn keyboard. lol
6 Years Ago
(Bows)... I am not worthy to read your amazing appreciation... Thank you so much, Raven... You reall.. read more(Bows)... I am not worthy to read your amazing appreciation... Thank you so much, Raven... You really put a smile on my face, and metal in my fingers, lol... That someday is most likely very soon, since you work hard and have talent...! Crowd screams, eh... Yessss......Muahahahaha
6 Years Ago
Awwww, thanks, man. :D And thank you once again for sharing your amazing talent with us mere mortals.. read moreAwwww, thanks, man. :D And thank you once again for sharing your amazing talent with us mere mortals. (throws horns)
Another masterpiece. Please, will you stop making me feel inferior?
But jokes apart, I really like the flow of words in this poem. It's smooth like a river. Keep writing, mate!
Love,
Vasilees.
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Uh-oh... I am sorry...!
Jokes asides, though, thank you very much, haha...
I shall, yo.. read moreUh-oh... I am sorry...!
Jokes asides, though, thank you very much, haha...
I shall, you as well...
Great work ....Nice to know uh..U write much better than me
Posted 6 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
6 Years Ago
Hah, thank you, Pragya... I am not sure anyone writes much better than anyone else... Just matters o.. read moreHah, thank you, Pragya... I am not sure anyone writes much better than anyone else... Just matters of perspective...