The garden {War-themed poem.}

A poem I have written for a local competition about a man from the war suffering with PTSD. Any critism will be very welcome.

He was a garden full of flowers,

His thoughts like petals falling one by one. 

And if they all fell at once,

The garden would be gone.

His hair was once wispy like a angels,

but has now turned to dusty grey,

He once was brave and courageous,

but even that has a price to pay.

His soul once fresh and young,

has withered and died,

And now there is nobody here,

to hear his everlasting cry. 

And even though he pulled the trigger,

He had a gentle hand.

Killing his heart for others,

But no-one ever understands.

And they are now left watching,

As his life slips away.

He was waiting for the day people would say 'thank you.'

But they day never came.

Author's Note

First attempt, Constructive criticism very welcome.

Reviews

[minder]

this poetry is very good (i just came on this website too)

maybe it would be nice to make it a field full of flowers