Dear Lui

Dear Lui.....

I don't know where to start or how to start , I am afraid of being misunderstood again .... All this time I couldn't explain it to you the way I was feeling and I am not sure if I can do it now either. I messed it all up.... I didn't mean to drag you into all the emotions I went through... I am not apologizing for the way I felt but if I ever harmed you with words in any way... I am sorry, you are the last person i'd like to harm in any way. Yes you wanted to understand the way I felt or why I felt like that, but it is not on you , please understand that those feelings I felt for you but I did not asked to be saved or anything else from you . Funny? This time I overfelt instead of overthinking. Every time I got a chances to see you I got amazed I couldn't help it but to feel . I could listen to you forever abut everything that went through your mind or even when you chose silence( to be silent with you most of the time I did. I did not said 3 words yeah no wonder if you think I am an idiot ) .Universe, I was so nervous seeing you again, I guess you know "the gift " was a pretext to see you did you noticed how nervous I was? All the time I was trying to look into your eyes without blushing , to play cool, but my hands in the end betrayed me I just asked you for a favor it wasn't a hang out invitation . I wasn't sure where I found the courage to invite you, maybe from the fact that I had to much coffee (or the fact that I thought you wouldn't show up) this thought not showing up (its probably the best way because are you sure you can do a conversation ? ) I didn't took care of my hair or lipstick or anything else I was so sure you were not going to show up that I didn't cared the way I would look to anybody else eyes. And then a phrase thank you but I already had came I knew you wouldn't . Strange as it sounds but its the truth is I didn't felt hurt at all. I had my notebook with me the one wich I wrote all those poems and feelings you gave I felt like writing and almost started when...
Hey Anna. S**t.I couldn't believe you were standing in front of me like you really came? I never imagined a situation like that so believe I was so not prepared for that and certainly I didn't know the way i would act. I was grateful for the time you were sharing with me Anyways I knew wouldn't invite you for a second one ( because I wasn't sure if you would like to see me again even as a friend ). Even at the night we talked again I was so confused ( even when you are miles away you can  deconcentrate my thoughts because I am sure whatever I said you understood it all wrong. ) a phrase did hurt so I knew you had misunderstood my words all along that's why I hate using words they are just some letters on paper . Another phrase of yours hurt me but healed me at the same time.

You see I am terrible at explaining even now while reading this I am sure you misunderstood me all along.