Child O' Mine

Child O' Mine

A Poem by Doodley
"

A vision in dreaming.

"
Remnants of a vision, a fractal in the mind,
A work of such precision, that Nostradamus could not find,

You seared into the memory, upon the dawning of the day,
You filled mine eyes with sweetness, whereupon my bed I lay.

A promise of a future, for a bent and broken man,
Who vowed himself to greatness, to be all that he can.

For you were such a beauty, of grace beyond define,
And the smile that you gave me, lit the darkest heart of mine.

And so I told my lover, of the being that could be,
Of the softness of her footfalls, on the temper within me.

As the dream reached Earthly clarity, bore on sunshine of the day,
The north wind blew, the crescendo grew, and took my Love away.

Left me standing lonesome, as the clouds came bursting through,
And the rain and cold abound me, washed away the thought of you.

If zero and one could make a one, I'd long me here, to you,
But bless my heart, my darling, there is nothing I can do.

As the Autumn fruits doth whither, abreast the wilting vine,
I look within, without, withine, my sweet, sweet Child O' Mine.


© 2016 Doodley



Author's Note

Doodley
I am having a crisis of confidence with my writing at the moment. I don't think this is one of my best efforts, but here it is anyway.
Any comments are appreciated.

My Review

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Featured Review

hi jason - the images are a dream to behold - i think you'd make a good father to your children - on the other hand, and i mean no offense, i kinda got lost down the sixth and eight stanzas - i wonder why would a north wind (what does it represent) does it represent 'death' of some kind? - take away your dream away from you - also, what does zero and one wants to impart to me - please let me know, my friend, what these lines mean - i would appreciate to know and understand :)

best to you,
steph

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Doodley

2 Years Ago

Thank you for your review, Steph. This was an emotional write, at a time of extreme sadness and loss.. read more



Reviews

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Zoe
This sure is one of your best, Doodley. This is very different from your other poems. Scary to read. Nothing is worse than a loved one being taken away. I can see below that this a personal write, but i hope that the situation you faced was less intense that the one described here. Loved the last line. Great read!

Posted 3 Months Ago


Doodley

3 Months Ago

Thank you for reading and reviewing, Zoe. A very early write, this one. And far from being my best. .. read more
Zoe

3 Months Ago

Amateurish...lol. Most welcome.
Sense or not, you have some beautiful lines in this write. Try to keep on topic. Valentine

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Doodley

1 Year Ago

Thank you for reading and reviewing. The flow is fine. Stays on topic.
This is stunning ..... but i feel there is so much to your words that are hidden

maybe this is a wish
its beautiful

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Doodley

2 Years Ago

Thank you again, Nisreen. This is a very personal write. Something i hold dearly and close to my hea.. read more
Precious Seconds

2 Years Ago

May God give it to you ...... amen
hi jason - the images are a dream to behold - i think you'd make a good father to your children - on the other hand, and i mean no offense, i kinda got lost down the sixth and eight stanzas - i wonder why would a north wind (what does it represent) does it represent 'death' of some kind? - take away your dream away from you - also, what does zero and one wants to impart to me - please let me know, my friend, what these lines mean - i would appreciate to know and understand :)

best to you,
steph

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Doodley

2 Years Ago

Thank you for your review, Steph. This was an emotional write, at a time of extreme sadness and loss.. read more
I love this withering love- so honest.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Doodley

2 Years Ago

So honest. And So true. Thank you for reading and reviewing, Bacchus. I now owe you three in return.
You are a amazing writer.
"And so I told my lover, of the being that could be,
Of the softness of her footfalls, on the temper within me. "
Your words gentle and powerful. Made the writer think and wander to better places and thoughts. I like the above lines a lot. Thank you Doodley for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Doodley

2 Years Ago

Thank you for reading and reviewing my work, Coyote. A very sad, personal write this one was. And i .. read more
Coyote Poetry

2 Years Ago

Was my pleasure to read your work and you are welcome.
I quite enjoyed this with its old time feel and good rhythm. It's a bit sad when someone has lost a loved one but to lose both lover and child or possible child just doubles the pain. You bring very good imagery to your writing - not sure why you're having any confidence issues - this was really good! :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Doodley

2 Years Ago

Thank you for your very kind words, Carolynn. This is not my best work. Have been fighting the poet'.. read more
Carolynn

2 Years Ago

Ahh, a perfectionist a bit? :) nothing wrong with having high standards but some really great poems .. read more
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jay
This is some good stuff. So many emotions

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Doodley

2 Years Ago

Thank you for reading, Jay. A very emotional write this one was, yes. Welcome to my poetic domain!
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dan
Doodley, like Nisreen you like to employ the couplet as structure to some (or all, not sure) of your writing. My opinion is that would feel as if I was limited in some way by using the format, but you (and Nisreen) make it work nicely (there were one or two instances where the rhyming felt a bit forced...no biggie). My interpretation is that it is obviously about a lost love; the ubiquitous "Child..." of the title is either a child who passed away (crib death...SIDS?) or that the lover who departed had a child you quasi-adopted as your own, the child leaving also. That's my best estimate of the content. A fine piece of writing! take care...dan

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Doodley

2 Years Ago

Thank you very much for reading again, Dan. I agree with your comments here. This is not one of my b.. read more
dan

2 Years Ago

I always, in our short time since we became friends, look forward to reading your work when it arriv.. read more

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Added on February 20, 2016
Last Updated on February 20, 2016
Tags: poem, longing, lost love, child, dreaming, vision

Author

Doodley
Doodley

Sydney , Australia



About
I'm an Equine Scientist undergoing an artistic Renaissance. I welcome all friend requests and am willing to read and review on a consistent basis as long as the friendship serves both our purposes... more..

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