Andrew Nelson Stewart Andrew Nelson Stewart
In poetry and to find answers of who we are while walking the ephemeral road upon cracks of pain signs leading you.
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My Reflection and I

My Reflection and I

A Story by C.M Downing
"

This is one of my old english assignments from grade 11. Its about this girl, who is mentally, not ok... I had alot of fun writing this, and I hope you enjoy reading this :)

"

The electronic beats, in my ears going boom, boom. I can feel them in my chest, or is that my heart? I can’t tell anymore. I can taste a mixture of blood and the how many was it? Oh I don’t know glasses of vodka.
“Maybe you should slow down!” My friends yelled to me over the music.
That wouldn’t be happening.
I didn’t even know that I was biting my lip, until my best friend asked me what happened to it. Ah, so that’d be why I could taste both blood and vodka.

My smile grew so wide that I’m sure it could have been easily spotted on ‘Google Maps’.

I escape from the electronic sounds and the crowd of people trying to converse over the abnormally loud music to the Ladies’. I walked past a mirror to get to the nearest stall, and all I saw was some monster staring back at me. She wore my face as a mask, only uglier, messier. She had my body as well. Is that why mine didn’t feel like it belonged to me anymore?

She smiles at me, her teeth are red " our teeth are red.
I can feel my heart beating faster than I imagine a toddler’s would after drinking a can of energy drink. I wondered if hers did too.

The reflection looks at me with pity in her eyes.
“Poor little Amelia” She cries. She quivers her lower lip, and then twists her mouth into the most evil smile
“Poor little Amelia, vomiting on the floor, poor little Amelia, acting like a w***e”.
“I am the wasted youth, I am your night terrors and anxieties” Her voice was covered with more gravel than a gravel stone drive way.
“I am your other half, the one you’re too scared to let out” she rasped.

I bring my heavily jewelled hands to the glass and I bashed and I banged until my hands hurt, I began to lose my grip on reality, was I trapped on the other side of the mirror making me the reflection or was I the real version? Who am I? I asked myself over and over.
Who are you? I repeated until it felt as though my brain would fall out of my ears onto the floor in a mushy heap.

The reflection in the mirror, or possibly the real me cackled and giggled with sinister delight.
“Stop it! Stop it!” I scream.
I shake my head and look around me, what should have been mouldy disgusting toilet walls were just blurs, what should have been the poorly tiled bathroom floor was just a blur.
I can feel my mind closing in on me, like I have nowhere to run, almost as though the bathroom walls are closing in on me. I’d like to just give up and give in to the voices in my head, to just let the walls close in on me and mash me like mashed potatoes, let it splatter and jumble up my body parts all over the bathroom of the Night Club. The staff would have to pick up my pieces and try to piece me together again, like a puzzle. Ha, funny, my brain feels like a jumbled up puzzle, with some pieces missing and even chewed on the corners like how my brother David used to chew on my puzzles.

I remember finally giving up, I can still feel the hard impact of the cement on my head and back and I can remember hearing distant voices.

“Sweetie, you have to stay awake!” I remember one of the voices saying, in a desperate rasp.
“Just stay awake, we’re going to take you home, to David” The voice pleaded.
I sit straight up, faster than a zombie arising from the dead in desperate hunger for flesh.

“What’s the point?” I cried.
“What is the point of staying awake? Asleep or awake I am tormented by nightmares, there is really no difference whether I’m in so called reality or not” I could feel myself start to panic, my voice rose an octave higher and filled with frustration.
“What is the point to life, when I can’t ever actually go home to David? He’s gone, I went too far”
I felt light headed. I closed my eyes and what I saw was like a movie playing on the back of my eyelids.
It was a bright and sunny day, the sky was blue like a crystal and the grass was as green as The Wizard of Oz’s Emerald Castle. I was standing in the middle of a playground in a park, there was a red slide and a castle in the shape of a dragon, I suppose you could say that the red slide was the Dragon Castle’s Tongue. Oh, I’m too funny.

 I hear children’s playful giggles dancing in the wind, I turn to the ‘Monkey Bars’ leading to the Legendary Dragon Castle and see a younger version of myself and my big brother David climbing along, throwing sassy retorts at each other like all siblings do.
My younger self dismounted the Monkey Bars once getting to the other side of the plat form.
She turns to the only version of my brother that ever existed who was struggling to climb to the other side, and she pokes her tongue out to him.
“Na-na, na-na” She sings at him as she blows raspberries at him.

“Shut up, Amelia!” He yells at my younger self in frustration.
“No, you!” I reply. I was always cheeky to my big brother. 
David could never really understand that I was joking when I was being cheeky to him. He jumped down from the monkey bars and he ran to the plat form on the side of the monkey bars. He slapped me across the face and threw sand in my eyes, and my younger self being herself, pushed the only ever version of David off of the plat form.
He fell, for what felt like a long time. I watched him fall to the ground in what felt like slow motion. His head came in contact with a sharp rock, I could hear the crack his skull made when it violently bashed into the rock. My younger self looked down in horror and she screamed and screamed
“David, Im sorry! I didn’t mean it! Im sorry!” Red liquid flowed out of my older brothers cracked skull faster than White Water Rapids, and that’s when I knew that David wouldn’t know that I didn’t mean to push him off the playground.

I never forgave myself.
I came out of my flash back to find myself back in front of my reflection. How stupid of me! To think that this reflection and I are two different people moulded together. We hate the same. I hate her and she hates me. We are not the same person moulded together with vomit entwined in her hair, the same person moulded together with lipstick stuck on her teeth and vodka dancing and lingering on her breath.

“Yes, how stupid of you Ameilia” she smirks.
I cover my ears and clench my eyes shut.
“You’re not real, you’re not real!” I breathe shakily
“If I’m not real, then you’re not either” she replies in her deep voice.
My eyes spring open and I just want to scream and pull my hair out;
“We! Are! Not! The f*****g same! I am me and you are, you " you’re just a figment of my imagination! A figment of my tipsy imagination!”
“How devastated would David feel if he were still alive?”
“What?”
Her retort was like a punch in the chest, I felt as though all the wind in my lungs had escaped me.
“David never wanted you to go down this path, did he, Amelia? All of those interventions would have been for nothing! All those letters he wrote you!” I hated the tone in her voice, she sounded like the Evil Octopus lady in the Little Mermaid when she convince Ariel to give her her voice.
“I don’t know what David you’re thinking about, because my David died when I was 9.” I said glumly.
“You killed him”

I looked away from the mirror in shame and turned back with my eyes glistening with tears.
“Yes.” I admitted with my voice dripping in shame.

When I looked back up at the mirror my reflection was gone, it was as though I was a vampire who didn’t own a reflection.


© 2014 C.M Downing



Author's Note

C.M Downing
Tell me what you think! I'm willing to read what you guys have to type about my story :3

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disturbing! but that's how it is meant to be.
I like very much how you could get into the head of a devastated mind. I wonder if a good psychotherapist can ever mend the shattered mind of someone who accidentally killed a brother or a sister.

Posted 3 Years Ago


C.M Downing

3 Years Ago

Haha thankyou!! I'm glad you liked it :3

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Added on May 14, 2014
Last Updated on May 14, 2014
Tags: reflections

Author

C.M Downing
C.M Downing

Townsville , Queensland , Australia



About
I enjoy to read and act, as well as write - of course! Im also interested in the way things work, and why. Im trying a new angle of writing, and I enjoy to talk to and meet new people, which is we.. more..

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