Lost, Are We?

It's bad to ask for help when you're in bad places. Especially when you're in bad places.

Ah, who might you be?

Lost, aimless as me?

 

Oh, dreadful thing;

Tired, worn, meandering,

As blind as a bat,

Darting like a rat.

 

Wouldn't you love to escape this darkness?

This chasm, this trench, this endlessness?

I offer a way,

An escape, I say.

 

But you see, I get ever so lonely,

Few wander this way.

Wouldn’t you mind staying,

Just for a day…?

 

 Or maybe two, or three, or four,

I think you’ll stay for many more… 

Author's Note

A poem I wrote about a year ago. Friends told me they liked it, so I want to know what the internet has to say :D

Reviews

[rae52]

i like it too
it's really good keep going

[taylorrose]

its very good

[The XYZ Writer]

This was in a way, for me, funny. Getting lost in the wrong place, with the wrong people at the wrong time... Some luck huh? But the poem was great! I only offer one piece of criticism- the line "darting as a rat". Perhaps another word to describe the person who is lost besides "darting"? Sorry if I offended you, its just me. Overall though, I loved the poem!

[The Insanely Vibrant]

I suppose every once in a while people turn into this 'dreadful thing'. What matters is how long they chose to stay... a day or two or eternity. excellent poem. brought out a relevant concept in a novel style. nice :)

[Sashalee]

a really awesome poem. good job :)

[13ReasonsWhy]

you want to know what the internet has to say? the internet says: "ITS AMAZING!" :))

[Ami N.]

Love it :) Like others mentioned, I have no criticism to offer either. Flawless piece. This was just great!

[A. L. Allen]

Wow, I love your vivid descriptions! Great job!
Isn't it sickening that that's the way our world has become? People say that they can help, but really they're just luring you into a sense of false security so that they can pounce on you like a cat pounces on an unsuspecting mouse. o.o

Anyway, as always, great job! :)

[Summer D.]

Sunny ( Soondos :D ),


Fantastic. I have no criticism to offer. Love this! :) Keep it up~

[Desiree B.]

Dragon X,

This is a very awesome poem! I love how everything works together and the way that you place your reader's mind in a pit of loneliness and make them hope for a way out.

Great Job!