Legend of Fear

Something I thought was pretty cool

A horn rang out across the city, a horn which all hoped above all else would not be heard. For the only time when the horn sounded was when a storm of destruction was to fall over the land. Chaos swept throughout the streets, people forgetting all sense of morals and virtues, thinking only of their own survival. Then the beast of the sky descended, amassing all manner of storm clouds to its presence. A creature as ferocious and regal as this appears exclusively to quench it's own greed and pride. Silence ensued, each citizen waiting for their inevitable end, and then… the roar. The great serpent soared over the city, carrying the sound of destruction, so named because all who heard this howl of devastation were vaporized by the clouds that the behemoth was accompanied by. Not a single soul escaped the obliteration of the lightning, say for one. For as soon as the dragon had razed the city, he made his way towards the castle, finding the monarch, cowering on his throne. Reaching out with talons the bahamut grasped the man, and spoke to him saying, “Only you, petty king, will be allowed to live, for you shall be the one to tell of the legend of the dragon, and you shall be the messenger who makes the name of the Bringer of Eradication known.

Reviews

[Daniel Seward]

You did well for trying to keep the story so short

[Dragon of stars]

Thanks if enough people like this then I may try to make an actual story out of it

[Daniel Seward]

Good Luck. Don't be afraid to slow down and pace yourself if you do make a story out of it.

[S. von Glaubitz]

Pretty cool! I'm always a fan of dragons-related writing. It reads like a prologue to a longer piece and makes me want to know what the rest of the story would be about. The ending especially makes for a good hook!

As far as constructive criticism, I would say take your time with it a little more. There's a lot jammed into each sentence, yet still without too much detail. Draw it out and really let the fear and destruction be seen and felt! For instance, show examples of those people forgetting their morals. What is it that they're doing exactly? I think you could really build this up into something truly exciting!

Looking forward to reading more of your work!

[Dragon of stars]

Hey thanks a ton!!! :) This was actually for a contest where the limit was ten sentences so that might be why it seems a little rushed

[S. von Glaubitz]

Ah ok, that makes sense then! Nicely done for just ten sentences!

[Dragon of stars]

All criticism welcome this was made for a contest before realizing the contest ended ( im new to this) but I figured I'd keep it up anyway :)