How Dumb Was I?

Realizing everything that happened was all a lie.

How dumb was I to believe you when you said you cared?
Knowing damn well what it was that you wanted,
Playing right into your hands hoping on everything that it was true,
That you really wanted to be my companion.
How dumb was I to believe all your lies?
Blinded by the promise of your protection,
Dissolutions in my head making me feel that it was right.
How dumb was I to think you would stay with me?
Attached to the very thought of staying in your arms for the rest of my life,
Addicted to the pain I assumed accompanied love,
Stuck on the thought of waking up to you each morning.
How dumb was I to think it could last?
Thinking I could put up with the pain,
Wondering when it would stop hurting,
Anxiously awaiting the day I could make you happy.
How dumb was I to think that is how love is supposed to feel?
Allowing you to wear my will,
Permitting you to degrade me and make me feel unimportant,
Willing you to humiliate me so I could seek comfort in your arms.
Looking back now,
I can still hear your voice in the back of my head,
Making me feel worthless,
And letting myself believe that for all these years,
It was just myself yearning for attention,
I see clearly now though.
Never again will I sit back and allow that to happen,
To myself or anyone I know.
Because of my stupidity,
I have become wise.
But I can't help but look back and think,
How dumb was I?