Lyra, From Guard to the princess to Princess

this is just a little about my story, I'm still in the early stages of writing it(I still have it in my free writing journal) I'd really appreciate any feedback.

Okay, so the story begins with Lyra as a guard of Princess Lara of Solarion. Even though Lyra doesn't even particularly like the princess she is only doing it because her mother asked her to become a guard to get closer to her father. Her father is the king, but he hasn't recognized her as his child. Does he even know? Solarion was attacked by an evil wizard named Sven of Nightmare Mountain, who turns out is Lara's creator(he gave a potion to her mom to produce her). The King and Queen are in hiding and the kingdom is in shambles.

Hearing the rumor Lyra begins to question why she doesn't just claim the throne herself as the only true heir. But she must deal with the fact that she is not the King's choice, her fellow guards may try to kill her, and Lara's boyfriend Eli's (who she has a crush on) kingdom would come after her. Luckily she knows some magic thanks to her mother, her elf friend Kao's kingdom will stand by the true heir but will he?

Sven even goes so far as to kidnap her and in the process shows her how even her closest and oldest friends would turn their backs on her to keep the princess safe. He even turns out to be a great help.

This story is about a girls vengeance and just how far she will go to take what is rightfully hers. 

Author's Note

this is just the gist of what my story is about. If you want some more tidbits just ask. How can I make this better?

Reviews

[Amaya Sullivan]

It seems like it has potential. I would grab a notebook and pen and call it your journal and it keep information on each character along with their personalities and abilities and kin.

While doing this, think about where you want to open the story? The battle of Solarion? When the King and Queen go i to hiding where are they hiding? Or Lyra being appointed as a guard and her perspective on guarding the Princess.

Once you think this part out, gradually bring the story together of the fight of the throne and Sven. The notebook will help you keep you characters straight as you should refer to it often. I hope it helps. I would love to read about a fight for the throne.

[DreamyKari]

thanks for the advice

[AnonymousLad]

There are a lot of good ideas in here! One question - if Sven gave Lyra's mother a potion that made Lyra, doesn't that mean that the King isn't really her father, but Sven is? Or was her mother just having trouble conceiving, and the potion fixed that?

[DreamyKari]

later on I reveal that Sven can see people for their true selves and Lara's mother was too power hungry for him to find her attractive in any way. He only used part of his dna, so yeah he is the father and he does have some paternal feelings toward Lara, but Lara isn't COMPLETELY human... ;) Her mother was having trouble carrying the kings offspring and most of them died in child birth some didn't make it that far, so she just thought the king couldn't give her a healthy baby so she went to Sven a poweful wizard who she thought could do anything. which is sort of true