Rainstorm

 

She was standing

In the pouring rain –

Just standing,

Gazing out with her

Lonely eyes

To the street before her.

It would have been the perfect moment,

She thought –

The perfect kiss,

If he had just taken the time

To remember her

For once,

To do something sweet

And romantic –

If he hadn’t left her there

To drown within the incoming torrent.

She was glad for the rain

That swept down her cheeks,

Washing her clear of all

Sins and blames –

Cleansing her of any

Bad thoughts or feelings –

For this would have been the perfect moment,

She knew –

The perfect time

For her to begin loathing

His face for laughing at her,

To start hating him

For leaving her out in the storm –

But somehow, the rain

Worked a miracle

And did not allow her

To detest his image –

Not this night.

Not with the beautiful,

Electric glows lighting the sky

Every few seconds.

Not with the rolling,

Crashing booms resounding

All around her,

Making her feel welcome

In the midst of the storm.

Not with the driving rain,

Falling like millions of teardrops

From the eyes of the sky,

Echoing the cries she held within her heart.

Not tonight.

 

But tomorrow –

Tomorrow, when the

Lightening ended,

Its rapid flashes

Collapsing,

Tomorrow, when the

Thunder concluded

With a last,

Almost pathetic,

Attempt to hang on,

Tomorrow, when the rain

Fell from the darkened sky

No more,

When she was offered no

Comfort from the forces –

Tomorrow, she would give in

To her abominations.

Reviews

[Christopher 'Windstorm'..]

awsome poem! well thought out and beautifully presented from thoughts that are brilliant! well done

[Erin Sky]

aaand, I'm thinking baptism! and rain! and How to Read Literature Like A Professor! I can't wait til I'm out of AP English, lol.

Love this - I enjoy the voice employed here.

[Edward Clay]

I can almost hear this being read aloud. it has a calming, soothing effect to read, and you make the reader feel the same contentment you are feelin, even in the face of this dissapointment - evokes the sense that beauty can be found everywhere and has that brightening feel to it, which is somewhat ironic. i always found the rain to be brighter than sunlight.

then the tone changes i feel in the second stanza. and i can feel the bitterness, and see the clear skies, acting in opposite to the rain. there is a wonderfully contrasted image here. my only problem is that toward the end of the first stanza it is quite repetitive and takes away the flow; instead it feels like it stops and starts. but apart from that, a good write!

[poetsblade]

Don't give in...why carry someone elses Karma? good writing

[Kara Emily Krantz]

very well done. i loved the way you handled it, all the way through. the setup was great, and the way you told the story worked wonderfully.

i'm not sure if a i like the last word - abominations? it doesn't feel like it fits correctly. When I was reading the last verse, and when i figured out where it was going (which i thought was a great idea) I thought you might end it with something like "Tomorrow, she would smack him in the face" LOL okay maybe that's a little too humorous, or "Tomorrow, she would give in to the pain," or perhaps "Tomorrow, she would hate him." Him him or detest him, or something like that.

If i've offered up to much criticism, I apologize! I just felt like the poem was SO good, and it just sat on a really weird note with that last line.

Big hugs. fantastic write.

:)

[justink :):)]

i like the rain and i like this it was good


justintime

[Andromeda]

i love rain and i love this! especially how the rain was comforting when it's usually the other way...love love love this, although im terrible at saying what i love about it hahah