Never Gone

Written in 8th grade.

Stare into the eyes

of a broken soul,

everything I fought for,

what I only know

when it's gone,

and trying to move on,

but it's so long,

so long,

so long.

 

He lived in his own world,

his lonely Abyss.

Had nothing to live for,

but what he only knows

is so beautiful.

Saw it in his eyes,

but now it's gone,

gone,

gone.

 

Stare into the eyes

of a beautiful soul,

of everything that's gone wrong,

of what I'll never know,

but you're never gone,

never gone.

 

Some say a life worth living

is a life well-lived,

but I ain't been living.

Reviews

[Jillian McLees]

I agree with the above reviews, its a great start but its not finished. Just from reading the poem it seems like the boy commited suicide from where you say "His lonely abyss/ had nothing to live for..." from your description it ends differently, so I would make clear what happened to him unless it is supposed to be a more open ending.

[Chase Alexander]

I honestly think that you need to finish this piece or 100% finish it because this has a good basis, but it could be better. If this is a true story, you need to make the reader realize that and feel the way you did. Tell us every emotion you felt or feel and make us hurt in whatever way you did. As a poet, you need to be able to create emotions within a reader, and this poem just isn't coming to that. Also the use of "ain't" and "livin' ", and especially in one line, ruin the mood. Slang should be used tastefully.

[Stephen Schmidt]

I don't know this one could be complete right here... it will be very interesting to see what you come up with to end it... when you do please send to me I would like to see what unfolds...