Father, Oh Father

Just wrote this...

I'll let, the vanity beseech me.
A lover's flame, broken aims to teach me.
But I will stand, a million miles above this.
And I will breathe, the fire into your stomach.

Because I, have seen a world that's barely breathing.
We're barely screaming now, it seems more like a whisper.

The neighbors said, they saw your head, was bleeding.
But I told them no, you'd never start believing.
That one day, sure enough, they would come, run out of luck.
And leave you here, relieving.

But you know, I've seen a world that's barely breathing.
We've barely scratched the surface, and we're not leaving.

But the father said, that what we have's not really
Anything, to believe in.

I'll let, this ocean wave become me.
In hope, that one day you will find me.
I'm drifting in the flowing sea, of empty.

Promises and prophecies, remind me of the world that's come to be.
And it's barely bleeding now, it's just a minor wound, it heals.
But the father said, that what we have's not real.
Yeah the father said, a dirty word, the father gave us all a chore.
And he said the world was barely breathing.

Reviews

[Zak]

Quite some interesting thoughts going on in this. I'll start at the beginning.
How would vanity beseech you? Is the world begging you to be like itself, perhaps?

The only consistent theme that I can gather from this piece is one of woundedness. You mention the top of the fellows head is bleeding, and you mention that we have barely "scratched the surface." of the world. And finally, you talk about when someone will find you drifting on an empty sea, as if it's been drained (like a wound)...perhaps you didn't mean these things, but there they are.
It seems to despise the world and the people within it as a stuffy place that's not real, as you mention that it's not breathing. So it's dead and cut and...sad, really. Sounds like a punk rock song or something.
Interesting.

-Zak

[Ruth]

This is fantastic imagery! You have a strength in vividness...literally takes the reader through so many emotions..wonderful love! xx