4.

Joanne led me through my room and to the furthest window. She peeped out and beckoned me to do the same.

'It's snowing.' She said happily.

Sure enough, clumps of fluffly snow fell from the sky rapidly like feathers. The sky and water had turned to a bright grey and the forest beyond was a shadow.

'The weather is cursed tonight I'm sure.' she said.

'What time is it?'

'It's twelve o clock. It's always twelve a clock.'

'Maybe your clock has stopped,' she said, 'I'm sure it's only nine fifteen.'

I glanced at my clock. Twelve o clock and it ticked as normal. I rummaged through my trouser pockets for my watch.

'But this is impossible.' I said staring at it.

'What?'

'My watch says the same thing. This thing is new, it can't be broken.'

Joanne came over. She took the watch from me and put her ear to it.

'It still ticks,' she said, 'so it's still working. But notice the big and small hands; they stay fixed in the same spot.'

'But what does that mean?' I asked.

'I don't know.'

'Try putting the right time.' Joanne suggested.

'But what is the right time?'

A barefoot Kelly appeared in my doorway rubbing her eyes, her hair all over the place.

'Joanne come back to bed. It's late.'

'No it's not.' Joanne said back.

'What time do you have Kelly?' I asked.

'I can't remember,' she said, 'something past eleven. Come on Joe.'

Joanne slowly walked towards her sister, her head bowed.

'I'm sorry if she woke you Richard.' Kelly said taking hold of Joanne's hand.

'Oh I didn't.' Joanne looked up at Kelly, 'He'd been having another nightmare.'

Kelly looked at me, concerned.

'Well you're okay now?' Kelly asked.

I nodded.


The snow had continued uncontrollably all night.
I looked out. The outside world was completely blanketed in white and a low mist fogged up the view beyond the edge of the river. The water had frozen over.

Dom and Laura emerged from the house dressed in winter clothes. They laughed and danced in the weather.
Dom lifted Laura up with one clasp and dangled her over the ice.

'No don't Dom,' Laura insisted, 'I don't know about the snow here. It may be all an illusion.'

'You're so full of s**t!' Dom laughed.

He flung her light body throwing her like a frisbee across the water.
She screamed and yelped before landing with a thump on the ice, skidding further into the mist.

'Dom you f*****g idiot!' She screamed, her body out of site, 'The ice could break!'

Dom cackled uncontrollably.

Laura emerged again, slowly crawling to the waters edge. Dom helped her to her feet and she limped inside behind him.


Pancakes, warm bread and fruit draped the long wooden breakfast table.

'Me and Sam want to go into town.' Alex said to Dom.

'And how do you intend on doing that?' Dom said smugly, 'The rowing boat is tied to the other side of the river.'

'We can walk.' Alex suggested, 'The water is frozen.'

Dom, like a wild animal, sprung from his seat and pushed the dining table from his space. He grabbed Alex by the neck and lifted him in the air.

'Look you little s**t,' he spat, 'there's nothing out there for you anymore. You want the f*****g truth?!'

He shook him.

'You want the f*****g truth?!'

Laura placed her hand on his shoulder.

'Dom, let him finish his breakfast.'

I looked across at Kelly who was staring at her cereal bowl; tears were glazing her eyes.

Dom dropped Alex to the floor, his new home. He curled himself up in a ball.

'Eat your breakfast.' Dom stared at me.

I did so.

Dom flung his hand behind him; it slapped Laura sharply.

'And you can f**k off and all.' He said to her.

She pursed her lips and sat down proudly.

Dom huffed. He remained still. He turned suddenly and headed out the door to the hall. The door banged loudly behind him.
Alex got up too. he stared at me, heavy breathing. His chin and neck were pink. He kicked the wooden table with a groan and mimicked Doms exit, slamming the door so hard that the walls shook around us.

'All this goddamn banging!' Laura cried, 'I thought this place was supposed to be peaceful.'

'Where did we get all this food from?' Asked Sam.

Laura leaned into him.

'Why don't you focus on being grateful for all this,' she said, 'rather than asking questions.'

Sam went back to eating.

'No one can go outside anyway,' Kelly said, looking up for the first time that morning, 'we're snowed in.'

Laura laughed.

'You're a liar. Me and Dom were out there only a couple of hours ago.'

'If you don't believe me,' Kelly said gently, 'go look for yourself.'

A stare off between the two ensued. Laura finally grunted and got up from her chair, scraping it along the floor loudly in the process.

She went out into the hall.

'God, I f*****g hate her.' Kelly said under her breath.

I glanced at Joanne. She was smiling obliviously.

Reviews

[Mika Franolich]

It's interesting. As a reader, I'm screaming at the main character's stupidity. Here we seem to be having a "don't go into the basement" horror movie moment by a person who knows that the theoretical basement is not a good place to go into. I feel this story could use some outside description, such as the setting, and a little more character development (so far all we know is he's a suspicious guy who doesn't make the best of choices). I would especially add character development as if reader's aren't attached to the characters they cannot be invested in the story. But the suspense you build and the excitement and mystery for what's to come is very thrilling and that couldn't be done better. And when you described the two leaders, Dom and Laura, that was very well done. All in all this is a very good piece aside from the two weak points! I'd definitely be a repeat reader :)