Waiting

 

She sat against the cool surface of the wall, her back naked and covered in goosebumps. She stared at the cell phone at her feet and begged silently.

It was a new, sleek and shiny model that flipped open to display a full little keyboard. She didn’t text. Originally she had thought getting the this model would encourage her to and that she’d keep in touch with her friends better, but it didn’t work well. She continued staring.

Time ticked by as she sat there. She didn’t notice and, even if she had, she wouldn’t have cared.  Internally, everything was dictated by the rhythmic beating of her heart which had no concept of time, therefore kept no track and jumbled it around to the point where every second blended into the next creating one, infinite moment.

            While lost in this moment, she thought. She thought of the past week, a smile, a laugh, a hug, and the utter disappointment of the constant war between hope and pessimism. Cool air touched her skin in near darkness, as tears stuck in her chest.

            It seemed silly to think of the subject based off previous things or opinions or the experiences of people who had no effect or purpose in the situation. She couldn’t help it though, what else did she have to go by if not what others told her?

            Her head was pressed against the wall, her hair draped down her front and brushing against her legs. She wondered how it had gotten there. Where had the hair come from? Why had she never notice it growing? And then suddenly, there it was!

Her hand reached slowly for the phone at her feet. She didn’t pick it up but let her hand hover above it and dip slowly down in mockery only to pull back then return it to her lap.

            For a moment she tore her eyes away. What was the point? What was the justification? What would knowing that this person needed her solve? What did it achieve? She closed her eyes slowly. And even if the phone did ring, and it was, by some small chance, him, was it what she wanted? Would it ever be?

            She didn’t think so. Her friends told her she was to pessimistic.

            “Give it time. It’ll work out!”

            “He seems like the type who needs to figure out how he feels.”

            “Maybe he likes you but he just doesn’t know what to do about it.”

            She thought they were all just trying to please her. Saying what they thought she wanted to hear. But she really didn’t need their comments. They loved her therefore their opinions where biased and they were all female or gay any way, how could their opinions hold any truth?

            When she opened her eyes the phone was as it had been, silent and dark. She fought herself to keep from picking it up and giving in. Giving in would prove nothing. But she had her ultimate answer already. She wasn’t a pessimist. She was a realist. She knew not everyone had to like everyone else, and that just because she felt something for someone didn’t mean they had to return the feelings.

            The phone rang.

            Her hand, which had been twirling the end of a lock of hair, shot out and grabbed the phone before the second ring. She didn’t look to see who was calling before she picked up and breathlessly said “Hello?” smiling widely.

            “Hey, girlie!”

            “Oh, Laur,” she said as her smile twisted and threatened to turn into a grimace of disappointment.

            “What’s up, Chika?”

            “Nothing much. Really bored, you know? I was just doing some homework,” she said covering her eyes with her other hand and laughing silently to herself.

            “Do you have a second? I have some stuff to fill you in on.”

            “Sure, I’m free.”

            “Well! Remember that guy I was telling you about? The one that doesn’t go to school with us?”

            She mumbled something that sounded like an agreement and Laur launched off on the epic retelling of something trivial and uninteresting. She couldn’t remember what was said. Only that every few minutes she would agree, disagree, or give a few other generic response when the moment called for it.

After it became to repetitive and distinctly similar to a previous conversation she butted in quickly, “Hey, love? My mom is calling me. I have to go. Bye.”

“Kay! Call me later!”

“Sure thing. Bye Laur.”

She hung up the phone before Laur’s response and placed it on the bed next to her. She stared at it and watched its screen go black. She let herself forget time again and fell back into the rhythmic thought process that had been interrupted by the call.

Why did she have to like someone? She had been perfectly happy before all this and she really wanted to find someone or something to blame so she could remove it and fix the whole thing.

But really, that wasn’t fair to the whole situation. Sometimes she was really happy. There were even moments when she didn’t mind liking him at all nor would she mind the fact not that her feelings weren’t returned. She was merely glad that she was able to get to know him enough to like him. So what if the feelings weren’t mutual? She was happy. Sometimes.

She tore her eyes away from the phone and titled her head back against the cool wall and wandered why it never felt warm. It seemed logical that her body and the wall would even out but it never did. Whether she swapped heat with it for hours or had just lain against it, it always felt the same.

            The infinite moment came full circle again and she fell asleep in its presence knowing that time didn’t exist and she could disappear in her head for a while with out being missed. Amongst vivid, clear dreams that all involved a heavy fog, the phone rang. She didn’t realize at first that it was coming from her phone, it seemed to ring in her dream, but she couldn’t figure out what the sound was and it made no sense. Why would her phone be ringing in a hot air balloon over the ocean? She then realized it was a dream and woke up.

             Her hands groped for her phone lying next to her as her eyes adjusted to the darkness that had invaded her room. She grasped it after a moment then answered tiredly.

            “Did I wake you up?” said a polite voice on the other end of her phone call.

            She rubbed her eyes and a lazy smile parted her lips, “Nah. I wasn’t sleeping. What’s up?”

            “You sound half asleep.”

            “Cause I was.”

            “Then why…? Never mind, I don’t even want to know.”

            “I have an issue with telling people I was sleeping when they wake me up. I do it in person as well.”

            She heard an amused chuckle and smiled wider holding the phone loosely in her hand while her other one, previously pressing lighting against the side of her face, grasped the cloth that covered her chest.

            “Why are you up so late? You were supposed to call… over four hours ago.”

            “More like over six but what ever. I was busy, and I called now cause I told you I would.”

            “Next time do it before nine, alright? I do sleep.”

            They talked like that for a while. A conversation that was casual and soft yet kept both laughing quite well.

            Despite her normal voice the girl sat as she had when she first got the call. She sat smiling with her hand over her heart until she was too tired to talk any more and had to go to sleep. She said goodbye and, after his reply, closed her phone and fell to sleep leaning against the wall, her legs spread out over her bed, and her pillows piled around her. 

Author's Note

A conversation on this site made me remember this piece. I wrote it not to long ago but as new pieces came it was buried deep within my writing folder in microsoft word.

It is based of the feeling of waiting for someone whom you like. I was in a similar situation. We really didn't speak on the phone a lot but I found it a much better medium to use than waiting for someone to sign in online. I wrote it so it to get out my frustration at the time but the story is different from my actual experience. I hope you like it.

Reviews

[J.M]

I did something similar to this girl just last night and I know just how you feel. The only thing I wasn't sure about was 'Why had she never notice it growing' shouldn't it be noticed. But apart from that I really enjoyed it.

[Mary Evans]

Interesting piece of writing. Would revise the beginning a bit. Other than that its
very well written. The dialogues and visuals too are nice.

[Sasha]

This is actually a really, really good story. I'm not just saying that, you do have a way with words and painting a picture. I think you know this, but I empathize SO MUCH with what happened. From the doubts she was having in the start of the story, to eyeing my phone in anticipation though nothing ever happened, getting extremely excited when a call comes in, just to come crashing down when I realise it's not who I'd hoped. Falling asleep while I waited and then being thrilled when the call actually comes in.. I could relate to so much of it. It's very well-written, though I did notice a few errors like, "They loved her, therefore, their opinions were biased..." I would put a period there and start a new sentence, but that's just me. Anyway, there was just a few and a quick revision could easily take care of the rest. I really did enjoy this and think "Waiting" is actually a great title for it. If you still want suggestions, let me know, but I really do think it works for this story. Excellent job. :)