Sorrow's Quilt

In the shortest amounts of time we can suddenly find ourselves burdened with sadness or guilt on our shoulders. It is a twisted quilt.

Five seconds of time

Can be woven into

A quilt.

 

This quilt embodies

Every aspect of those

Five seconds:

The words,

The hurt,

The guilt.

 

It is all quickly snatched

Up into the world’s

Knitting needles and

(Oh how quickly

And with such skill!)

Made into a quilt

That is draped

Over the shoulders

Of a young girl

Crying on a bed.

Author's Note

This started out as the first paragraph of a short story. I thought it sounded like poetry so I split it up and here it is. It is random free verse at its best (or worst?!), I suppose.

Reviews

[Jake Donald Stephens]

Well....at best or at worst....its better than my poems.
Reminds me of The Doors for some reason.
(You know, that band that died before anyone living today was born).

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[Sam Severn]

Captured a moment frozen in time GORGEOUSLY! An extremely cinematic piece, which reads like narration from a classic love story! ㋡

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

This was so poignant and so very skilled..the last line was very touching.

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

the pacing of this is excellent.. i truly enjoy the idea of the interior thoughts of the first two stanzas being pulled outwards in the last, like looking through a window, seeing the image of the girl on the bed, and pondering the source of her pain..

[J.M]

I think how good a poem is doesn't depend solely on its length. This poem captures a moment in time, and it does that in a very moving and effective way. I particularly like the idea of the girls pain being like a blanket lying on her shoulders!

[Tim]

Yeah, I like the way you wrote this one. Some may find it a bit short but I think it's the idea behind such few words that matter. I can picture her laying there in such sorrow like it won't be going away anytime soon so get comfortable in it. Godd one.

[blob blob]

god...you really expressed sadness
in just a heartbeat here...perfect...
...from the 1st line to the last-
this poem reads so well-and is
full of wonderful description...
...i love this...

J:)

[Snapdragon]

Hurt and guilt don't make a very warm quilt for somebody already in pain. I love how you worked this poem. It is short but packs a punch with those few words. That's a mark of good poetry.

[Mary Evans]

Hmm, its a bit short. It does hold a story but it sounds a bit incomplete. But i guess that's still ok since its a poem and not a whole story. Still since its a bit short, i do get the mood but i cant fully get the emotion. It just ends a bit sudden, although the start is great.