LOVE for YOU

1 In 6th

My love for you is fire

It sweeps me in an abyss

Still burning of pure desire

These feelings I can't dismiss

From a distance it's you I admire

Now lets seal the deal with a kiss

In time and space we move

Together forever it's a science

Without each other we'd lose

Our worlds would end like the Mayans

Your emotions I will never abuse

If love is killer than we're both dying

(Alternate 2nd Verse)

In time and space we move

Together forever it's a science

To anyone we have nothing to prove

Me and you are the ultimate alliance

Your heart i must and will behoove

Us against the world in pure defiance

Author's Note

I HAVE TO GET BACK ON MY HORROR WRITTING ASAP!!! I'M FEELING LIKE IVE BEEN GETING TOO SOFT!

Should I replace the original 2nd verse or keep it???

Reviews

[David Moreland]

This has the potential to be a beautiful love poem indeed. But it's not that yet. Words are still being used to hide, rather than reveal YOU, Jack - in this piece, you are still the mystery, the mystery man. You're the one we want to fall in love with. Love you back? I don't know which it is. But it's your poem, you're the poet and every poet I've known wants to be loved...at least for his or her work. They only use their work, their words, to show what they'll like for their lovers to see. Or not to see.

[BlackRose]

Like KassidyBaker12 said, the second alternative one does connect better as does the words and works well with the first verse. Such passion exudes from this fabulously, well written piece. And really felt the love so strong. :o)

@[/:o)

[Jack Kennedy]

Thank you! I'm just gonna keep both verses since its polarizing ;)

[BlackRose]

Yes, it can work that way too. It great to do it in that fashion or way, being different is also what makes us great. ;o)

[BlackRose]

And of course it's your piece, your choice to do it anyway you want. :o)

[Ana B.]

Simple and perfect. Beautiful Jack :)

[Jack Kennedy]

Thank You!

[jane kelley]

I like this one.. with the alternate 2nd verse.. good writing!!

[Jack Kennedy]

Thanks for the reviews today! :)

[jane kelley]

I can't read anymore, unless we become friends.. that is what it said, when I tried to... I think you are doing amazingly well, for being so young!!

[Jack Kennedy]

Thank you very much. The friend request is coming

[DreamOn2014]

Is this so pose to be a song or a poem? Either or use both. Use the original verse in the beginning, then use the second one near the end.

[maria ( rose)]

haha I love your notes..too funny always make my day..I think this is very well penned awesome Jack!!!
maria

[Jack Kennedy]

Thanks for the support and reviews. Its much appreciated!!!

[Amanda Marie]

I love just looking at the last rhyme you did. Alliance and defiance. Like loving this person is dangerous, and yet you dare. Idk if thats what you meant but I really liked it. Thank you for sharing.

[KassidyBaker12]

I like the second verse better. More people can connect to it. It's really good (:

[The Outsider]

The soft stuff means the most to me but I like.the original 2nd verse

[Sky]

I liked the alternate second verse more.Love is such a strong emotion.Well written. :-)