Splendid Dust of Ancient Suns

Splendid Dust of Ancient Suns

A Story by Final-Karma
"

This story is one of many set in a world of mages. Introducing Elric Ashburn.

"
I found myself locked in the circle. Sweat was beading off my face, I had scars on my body, and I was exhausted. This mage of some sort had laid a trap after our first encounter. I cast a trace circle but it was for nothing. Every available spell I had was of no use. I was stuck. I saw my trapper standing in the shadows. Watching me. I called out to them "Hey! You got me! Now let me go. We have things to discuss." The shadow figure hissed back words, "Nunca me tet. Atem ra du frez." I had no idea what it said. I looked down. The circle it cast was of green nature, symbols bleeding from its edges like ink on paper. I don't understand what made it so powerful, until I looked up. Above me was cast another circle that was blood red. It looked black magic in nature, ancient arcane that nobody used anymore. I thought, "Come on buddy. This is old school. It's the 23rd century here." I yelled out to the shadow, "You know this magic is outdated. Old school." It hissed back in words I could understand, "It caught you, didn't it?" It had a point, I shrugged. See, I am an investigator. Which makes me a bit of everything. I've fought in battles, trained under monks, been in this type of situation before. It's all about prolonging your capture to figure out that slight clever way of... I hit the floor. The circle was broken. I quickly raised my hand to cast, but the shadow was gone. I was left in silence. Silence that pierced me with more fear than the blood red symbols that held me. I could handle conflict, but this fold of darkness and silence, it left me feeling pressed and anxious. I quickly shook this feeling off and hit the ground with my palm. I cast a circle of sensory. That familiar tingle of magic filling my body was a relief and then I could hear and see on higher levels. There was nothing. I was in this forest alone. Just me and the deer it seemed. The shadow figure had fled. I relaxed and looked at my wounds. They didn't look as bad as they felt. That circle trap really did its number on my head mostly. I need to clean up, but before that I have to report in. I searched my pocket and pulled out my transphone. A holographic screen came up and I told it to contact HQ with base line 0103, line for rogue mage, and to send word to the elders that I had lost whatever that shadow was. I put my transphone away. What direction was the city? Lost again. These outings always end the same, just this time, this shadow jumped me. I might just be slipping. Getting rusty since no real action has happened since the Borolean Conflict. Whatever the case, I need to head back. Looks like I will be brushing up on my black magic. This is Elric Ashburn signing off. 

© 2017 Final-Karma



Author's Note

Final-Karma
Just starting to really write. Feedback would be excellent. Thank you for reading!

My Review

Would you like to review this Story?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Hi. Just one on what could be done better.Maybe you ought to seek second opinion on this but I felt disjointed when you mentioned that the setting was a forest towards the end of the story. I know the forest is a popular fantasy setting, but prior to that point I could have imagined any other dark setting. In fact, I imagined it was a tunnel or a room. Maybe drop a hint about the setting early on. (Why forest, by the way? Is this something that would be answered in your other short stories?)

Other than this, I was satisfied with the story. I agree with the previous comment; despite the dark mental images you've conjured up, this piece has a comedic flavor to it.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Final-Karma

1 Month Ago

Thank youvfor your review! Yeah the forest part was honestly a last minute ditch but I add to it in .. read more



Reviews

This is actually remarkable!! I could not stop reading once I started, I am extremely visual in my mind and spirit as most artist's are. And I could see the whole story unraveling, So brilliant I love this. I will read the rest of your writings, I must! Thank you for sharing such amazing story telling.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Final-Karma

1 Month Ago

Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. This really means a lot.
Hi. Just one on what could be done better.Maybe you ought to seek second opinion on this but I felt disjointed when you mentioned that the setting was a forest towards the end of the story. I know the forest is a popular fantasy setting, but prior to that point I could have imagined any other dark setting. In fact, I imagined it was a tunnel or a room. Maybe drop a hint about the setting early on. (Why forest, by the way? Is this something that would be answered in your other short stories?)

Other than this, I was satisfied with the story. I agree with the previous comment; despite the dark mental images you've conjured up, this piece has a comedic flavor to it.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Final-Karma

1 Month Ago

Thank youvfor your review! Yeah the forest part was honestly a last minute ditch but I add to it in .. read more
I like this. I would only have the same imput to add so I make it simple. This world needs to be expanded, its great. You have a nack for oddball humor.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

119 Views
3 Reviews
Rating
Added on September 19, 2017
Last Updated on October 16, 2017
Tags: science fiction, adventure, supernatural, technology

Author

Final-Karma
Final-Karma

About
I dabble in the known and unknown. more..

Writing