WALKING ON ICE

It's a True Story from my Wild, sometimes Reckless Youth.

There was unrest in Kashmir and soldiers pointed guns at two foreigners through sand bagged bunkers. Walking on eggshells they took the first bus out of Srinagar to start their journey 'The Gateway to Ladakh'.  It was March 1996 in the kargil District of Jammu and Kashmir.  Their first stop Sonamarg.  The road was still closed, so they waited 3 glorious days hiking up in to the mountains. The sheer size and magnificence of the Birch bark forests left them breathless. 

A local man told Elmarie of  a group leaving  at 5am the next morning.  They would walk 15 km to the Baltal Base camp, there they can spend the night and carry on the following day.  Excited at the adventure they joined about 7 people in the morning and dashed away before the guards saw them.  The walk to the camp was spectacular and Elmarie breathed in the freshness of the Himalayan mountains. She stepped on ice and sometimes waded knee deep through cold water streams, with treacherous views down the side.  

Disappointment was inevitable when they reached the Base camp and were curtly sent on their way without supplies.

"Don't stop walking as people die of the cold at night" the guard said.

 A long 48 km walk awaited them to the next town and it was already 4pm.  Now the mountains looked like sleeping leopards and their happy adventure soon turned to a feeling of dread.  Nineteen Nepalese died attempting to walk this stretch of road 3 days before.  Silence ....... as they walked for 3 hours just pacing themselves. 

Then a truck was heard and another as the first spring convoy came through.  One of the trucks gave them a lift.  As they drove over the Dras river bridge ..................they beheld the strangest thing. 

There was a massive earth mover in the middle of the Glacial river and 3 men stranded on top. The convoy trucks pulled up on the banks. A rope was tied to two trucks one on either side of the river and many a man tugged to get the rope to the men.  The first man tied the pulley to the rope, but fell in and was dragged to shore, he did not breath.  As a team worked hard to save his life everyone watched in anticipation as the next man braved his situation. He fared better and managed to stay out of the water for a while but was also dragged in cold and lifeless.  The last man moved like spider man and managed to just get wet right at the end. 

The crowd watched in silence as they managed to revive the two men. 

It was an exquisite moment of joy for all.  That night she took off her Indian army issue hiking boots, by now full of holes and still soaked.  It was sheer bliss when she sipped a small cup of dhal soup, and put her feet in warm water. 

She smiled at her fellow traveler and said " I am the luckiest woman alive”.

Author's Note

Thank you for taking the time to read my story any feedback will be appreciated.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Your story is a cliff-hanger! At first it starts out like a beautiful journey and your descriptions of the mountains are visual & sensory & uplifting. But then the tough parts come, but still you tell of your hard journey without being dramatic or sounding full of self-pity. The bravery of everyone comes thru. Very inspiring story of people pulling together to help in a bad situation.

[Elmarie]

Thank you for the kind words, and for taking the time to stop by. :)

[Raylene]

The structure needs work but however this was a beautiful piece

[Elmarie]

Hello lovely Raylene. This was my first piece I wrote. I would be grateful if you could find the time to point out change suggestions. I do have another version of this story in the first person. I was not sure which one to pick. All the same always nice to have you stop by.

Blessings

El

[Raylene]

Of course dear this one I like ill have to read the other is it by the same name?

[Elmarie]

Yes just written in the first person. :)

[Raylene]

I'm sorry dear yet I do not see the second one

[Raylene]

However I suppose this is a short it moves fast though for stories you may want to slow down you see poetry can be quick and small ( a great talent to master) yet stories and books you take longer so people will not have to 're read to understand however this is a great piece my dear

[Elmarie]

Thank you Raylen you are not the first to tell me I need to redo this piece. I limited myself to 500 words as an exercise, but I did have a lot to tell. When I get time LOL I will rewrite this........ I am inspired. Thank you for your valuable advice Lovely Raylene. :)

Blessings

El

[Raylene]

Anytime dear

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my! what adventures ..you should be grateful you listened to your children and are writing these down ;) check out my wonderful friend here http://www.writerscafe.org/KWPisME
you two have much in common :) again .. an incredible story and interesting use of your own name in third person .. it kind of threw me at first :)
E.

[Elmarie]

Thank you EN for the lovely review and the recommendation. I will follow it up. Yes I first wrote the story in first person but rewrote it as it gave more depth to it. Blessings El

[Einstein Noodle]

:) ...............

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

Wow your experience if full of adventure & I am sure you must be very brave to face all those bravely. Sometimes an adventure may turn into nightmare but brave hearts are always up for the challenges. Your painted a picture for the readers with your words. Great Work!

[Elmarie]

Thank you so much for stopping by. Blessings El

[Writer at last! Sky ~]

Most Welcome El & Blessings for you too :)

[DIVYA]

The story is well narrated, has great pace and is informative too. You kept me very interested till the end. The Himalayas are as perilous as they are beautiful and it is great that the men survived. Appreciated so much...Thank you for sharing Elmarie...

[Elmarie]

Thank you Divya it was quite an adventure. I will keep an eye out for your work. Thank again for your inspiring words. :)

[Hailey Juliet]

What a very interesting story! I really enjoyed reading about this experience and I think you have described it well in this piece. If I could make any suggestions, I would say that extending your descriptions of setting with more detail and flourish might make the work more fluid and artistic. At the moment it reads very much like a sequence of events, which is perfectly fine if that is what you intended, but to make it more of a creative piece, I would suggest embellishing on the descriptions of setting and feeling. Describing the characters' emotions is an effective way to tell a story without always describing action and place. Overall, I enjoyed reading you piece and I sincerely look forward to reading more from you! There was a conciseness to this story that i think is a good quality.

[Elmarie]

Hailey thank you so much for the feedback. This was an experimental piece and I set a 500 word limit on myself. I agree with what you said and will definitely revisit this wonderfully adventurous day in my mind, and elaborate on it. Your suggestions are spot on and Thank you again for such constructive feedback. :)

[Hailey Juliet]

You are most welcome, it was my pleasure:)