The Empty Room

A woman visits her childhood bedroom for the last time.

Light dances across the empty room

Dust motes hanging in midair.

A breeze stirs the curtain at the window

A light gauze that flutters.

No fire lies in the old brick fireplace

It stands an empty shell.

A swish of silk

Pale white hand, veined with blue,

Rests on the doorframe.

Her chestnut curls, greying now,

Tumble from their constraints.

She enters the room

Her sanctuary

Now no more.

The black dress-

Tucked in all the right place,

High-necked and delicate-

Brushes against the plank floor

As she steps into the room.

She is drawn to the window,

As she always has been before,

Looking down onto the

Perfect garden,

Now gone to waste.

When had it all fell apart?

She turns at a sound behind her.

The red-haired woman in the doorway

Looks around with mouth open.

Her eyes find those of her mother.

Come, it’s time to leave.

The older woman lowers her head,

Turns away from the window,

Pulls on black gloves.

She stops on the threshold,

Turns back to look upon the room

One last time.

A tear slides down her cheek

As she says her last goodbye.

Author's Note

This is my first try at a prose poem, so please tell me if there's any way I can improve. Thanks!

Reviews

[Adreamer's Bluejay]

I really like this piece and how it tells so much about the room and the significance of it as this woman was growing up but it doesn't give away too much or really anything at all it leaves almost everything up to the reader and still has a decent story, scene, movie sort of effect to it. Great job. I like the comment here that says it almost feels like the woman's ghost and I can honestly see that as well, though it was not my instant reaction. I really really like this piece, phenomenally penned

[EmaleighLynn]

Thank you. I am glad you got a message out of this poem.

[Beccy]

There is a sense, (at least to me) that you are actually describing the ghost of the woman making one final visit to a fond childhood memory before her last journey. Thought of in that light, it works rather nicely.

There are one or two little things that you could do to improve what is actually a nicely written piece, but I'm not ever so keen on making such suggestions any more. More than once on this site, and despite it being requested by various writers, (not yourself I hasten to add,) my thoughts have been rebuffed instantly and taken as a criticism, rather than a genuine attempt to interact with a fellow poet.

Beccy.

[EmaleighLynn]

I completely understand your reluctance here. I'm glad you took the time to read my poem, and I must say I never thought of it in that light. I'm glad you got something out of it, even if it was something I didn't intend. I can't promise that I wouldn't accept any suggestions, but if you feel I could benefit from it, please feel free.

[uNmAsKeD-dEluSiOns]

You did such a great job describing the emotion but it also told a really good story. It was very eerie and sad at the same time- good work. I don't see anything to improve- I enjoyed

[EmaleighLynn]

Thank you very much!