Subfuscous

Subfuscous

A Story by Emere
"

Just a quick drabble. I don't know. (Title means slightly dusky or somber)

"
When we kissed, he would never look at me. His eyes were always cast downward, and I understood why. We avoided different gazes. We were two of a kind. He was afraid to look at me, and I was afraid to see him. I never knew why everything was different with us. We never laughed, never gazed in adoration at each other, but somehow it was love. It was real, or at least my perception of it was real. Our hands were always loosely entwined, I didn’t dare to hold him tightly. His body did not scare me, nor his touch, nor his mind. It was the idea of getting so close to him that we became the same person, one being, and I would be alone again.  I saw myself in him, but he was unable to relate to me. Perhaps our similarities were one-sided.
 
His name was a candle in the dark, his name was dust and molecules, his name was the best thing that ever came out of my mouth. I missed him even when he was with me, which was strange. It would make sense if I had some sort of fonder memory of him, of us, that I wished I could return to, but it had always been like this. Always been too fragile, always been too real. I missed a thing that never existed for either  of us, and the missing was more of a reminiscent longing than anything else. I missed, I wanted normality. I wanted that apple-pie sensation of the ordinary and mundane. I could never have this, but neither could he. We were trapped in this, because the only other option was to be alone.  I knew that, as long as I needed him, he wouldn’t go anywhere. He was devoted to me, in a childish, stupid way that I loved and abhorred.  
 
He tasted unique, not fresh or sweet, but peppery and musty. He felt so fragile. I used to hold his head to my chest because I knew my heartbeat made him feel grounded. He would close his eyes and breathe in quick, quiet gasps. His breath matched the twisting of my heart, and knowing that the air in my lungs was also in his own was a feeling as pure and vital as the blood flowing through the roots and corridors of my veins.  

© 2018 Emere



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Featured Review

You say you're an amateur writer......having read this you must be a prodigy. This is amazingly crafted, and the story is beautiful and touching, and every word elicits a pure emotional response. We as the readers feel the arc of this "love" just as our narrator experiences the pleasure of it. The story is short, but in its brevity, it remarkably paints both characters as round and believable - it's beyond words! I don't quite understand what you were intending with "we avoided different gazes", but it doesn't take too much away from the splendid magnificence of this tale. It's profoundly poetic, and fabulously written. Absolutely well done!!

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Emere

1 Week Ago

Wow, thank you so much!! Actually, looking back, I had no idea what the heck I was trying to say the.. read more
emipoemi

1 Week Ago

Unplanned writing is a crazy thing indeed, but in a way it's a good thing, for it means you're letti.. read more



Reviews

You need to give your writing more credit. This is very good. You did great as showing emotion, something that is very hard to do. Love is such a complicated thing, and describing any form of it is equally complex. Great job.

Posted 1 Week Ago


Emere

1 Week Ago

Thank you
This is good, strong writing. Well-worded and technically correct throughout. With one reading, I'm not entirely clear about the relationship, however.

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Emere

1 Week Ago

Thank you for your kind words. In this piece, I was trying to capture a side of love that we don't o.. read more
Samuel Dickens

1 Week Ago

I think you're onto something. A closer, second reading would probably help my understanding.
This one held me here... and I do understand why. I could hear your voice echoing inside.

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Emere

1 Week Ago

Thank you so much. :)
Chris

1 Week Ago

You earned my comment - well done.
You say you're an amateur writer......having read this you must be a prodigy. This is amazingly crafted, and the story is beautiful and touching, and every word elicits a pure emotional response. We as the readers feel the arc of this "love" just as our narrator experiences the pleasure of it. The story is short, but in its brevity, it remarkably paints both characters as round and believable - it's beyond words! I don't quite understand what you were intending with "we avoided different gazes", but it doesn't take too much away from the splendid magnificence of this tale. It's profoundly poetic, and fabulously written. Absolutely well done!!

Posted 1 Week Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Emere

1 Week Ago

Wow, thank you so much!! Actually, looking back, I had no idea what the heck I was trying to say the.. read more
emipoemi

1 Week Ago

Unplanned writing is a crazy thing indeed, but in a way it's a good thing, for it means you're letti.. read more

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4 Reviews
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Added on January 13, 2018
Last Updated on January 14, 2018
Tags: weird love, loneliness

Author

Emere
Emere

TN



About
Amateur writer with commitment issues. Feedback is welcomed, and helpful, and caressed inappropriately. Appreciate ya. ;) more..

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