Claire

I absolutely adored the first couple of sentences. Quite the hook - heck I'm hooked. But before I read on and give a full review, I need to suggest a small tweak in the formatting, which would ease the reading process:

I see that this is not so much a "story" by Writers' café standards, but a novel, and also that it has been pasted twice onto the page, leaving me to wonder which version is the one to read. As this is in fact a novel, it would be better to create a "book" page and separate the chapters accordingly, that way people would be able to read it more efficiently and you'd potentially acquire more reviews.

Just throwing it out there. You def have a great hook, as mentioned, and that's one of the hardest parts about writing. So consider that a feat.

Posted 4 Years Ago

I absolutely adored the first couple of sentences. Quite the hook - heck I'm hooked. But before I read on and give a full review, I need to suggest a small tweak in the formatting, which would ease the reading process:

I see that this is not so much a "story" by Writers' café standards, but a novel, and also that it has been pasted twice onto the page, leaving me to wonder which version is the one to read. As this is in fact a novel, it would be better to create a "book" page and separate the chapters accordingly, that way people would be able to read it more efficiently and you'd potentially acquire more reviews.

Just throwing it out there. You def have a great hook, as mentioned, and that's one of the hardest parts about writing. So consider that a feat.

Posted 4 Years Ago

A very compelling love triangle there.
I love Claire's medical condition it made the story very interesting.
My only suggestion is maybe put this in a book format on writer's cafe and list each part as a chapter.

Posted 6 Years Ago