The Struggle

Numbered days were measured by the ever increasing difficulty of each painful breath.

We watched as the eventuality of her illness moved toward its only possible conclusion.

We said goodbyes and stayed close to her bedside

and fought with the practiced detachment of nurses who thought they

had the authority to tell us how to take care of our dear one.

The days got longer and we braced for visits from well-meaning family and friends.

We cooked meals. We carried on, tiptoeing in and out of the room of mighty struggle.

We cried. We fought. We watched the thousand little miracles

as heaven and earth prepared to meet for that one instant. And then.

As I sat by her bedside, the only loving soul awake to attend her,

I felt the room change.

The heat of the struggle cooled.

The impossible breaths calmed.

Until there were three perfect

peaceful exhalations.

And then it was done.

 

Reviews

[Creepy Swine Guy]

This is superb Emily. I know what this is about and like you, I have lived it to a lesser degree. I was weak and could not be there for the end. I just could not bring myself. You have described this transition, this struggle like only someone who has lived it can.

This goes on my self.

Should be in your 49 (or was it 48) too if you ask me.

[Jen]

.

[The Analog Kid]

I agree with R.F. Jordan. The detached admiration shown by narrator works so well:)

[Robin]

oh wow ... straight through my heart Emily

[Emily B]

my mother in law gave me the best gift ever

[r. f. jordan]

the detached admiration within this account is what bonds it to this reader, as if thespeaker is attempting to remain composed. profound hope appears to outlast the piece itself. superb.

[Ken Simm.]

All I can say is that this is extraordinarily moving. But then reviews of such words become nonsense. This is obviously cathartic beauty.

[...]

. this is profound beyond measure and incredibly perceptive too ... there's so much sadness and love here ... it must have been a very overwhelming experience for you to watch a precious person leave ... perhaps this is how it feels when we let a significant and substantial memory leave us too ... i dunno ... just my thoughts after reading this intensely overwhelming piece of writing ...

[paul]

wonderful finality to that last line, reminds me, somehow, of the determination of gravity. or maybe it's just death.
very touching.
great ideas in this poem:
heaven and earth meeting.
and the wonderful line: thousand little miracles

[holly]

The struggle of words against the stilled tone of the poem reflects the struggle of your (friend? relative?) as they moved toward death. This was a very compelling piece of work, Emily, very moving without being maudlin or even sentimental. Thank you for the difficult and calming vision of your final days with this person.

[Gandré]

you share with us the sadness of losing a dear one, there is enormous strength to deal with it within the poem for problems concerning life and death are among the most dramatic, intractable in poetry and they feature in all fundamental areas of ethics...when I read this I think, the most basic is the problem of what account to give of the value of life itself. I loved this poem.