Childhood

Childhood

A Poem by Emily B
"

Lotus Eaters Group exercise #9 Poetic Gems

"

I remember black summer nights
lit by yellow moons
when dew-soaked grass on bare feet
did little to cool the world.
Playing hide and seek among
sweet smells of dirt and growth--
running out of breath and panting
through cornfields twice as tall as us.
I remember stars just out of reach
glowing like the sporadic fireflies
that we caught in coffee cans--
holes punched in plastic lids.
Giggling "tag, you're it"'s and
sing-song "ghosts in the graveyard",
I remember the sounds of joyful abandon
that come from the naive fearless.
Sweet watermelon sprinkled with salt,
I remember juice dripping
down brown arms and legs making
streaks of mud with the dirt we wore.
 


© 2009 Emily B



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This piece dances around in my mind and makes me remember. I love the action, and how you take the reader right into being a child by your evoking "sweet smells of dirt and growth", and "cornfields twice as tall as us". The watermelon scene is by far my favorite, I feel as if I am in my own backyard, that the sweet juice is dripping down my own arms and legs "making streaks of mud with the dirt we wore."

Your use of simple language holds the child image in place. Occasionally you switch out and get abstract, like the word "growth" right after such specific descriptive words in line 6. Perhaps keep me focused by using another sensory word there? What growth? Was it roots? Or deep green mosses? I want to know....
Also the use of "naive fearless" is more telling than showing, and I just want to stay in those awesome specific moments you have created for me! Can you show me naive? Can you show me "fearless"? I am only asking because I appreciate this piece so much, and those were a couple places where I was jarred back into being adult....

I loved the watermelon scene at the end. It is so strong that I don't think you need the summary sentence at the very end. I wonder if you might start with that sentence? It would help me with the many scene changes, would pull it together for me at the start. I am meddling, I know.....I enjoyed this piece, and sat for awhile, remembering....thank you for that journey!

Posted 9 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This piece evokes memories for us in the 'been around' category. It is whimsical in that beautiful naive way that childhood once felt for us before we forgot to live and became automatons simply surviving life. Lovely piece.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Emily B

5 Years Ago

you went digging through the oldies, thanks
Very nice...such a vivid insight into your childhood and I felt emersed into your imagery and child's imaginative perspectives....beautiful.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is delightful Emily ! So many wonderful moments in childhood !

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Very descriptive! Its awesome! (:

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Metal wings that would've saved Icarus (and his soul)
one voice from the lonlieness of mountains and gray sky
makes beautiful sense othe lost moments that we grown
weeping children could not names.

Her words became music that soothed us into the simple dream.

(loved the subtle alliteration BTW)

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Childhood mnemories are the best! Love the imagery!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

wow...fire fliesand water melon and corn fields... what achild hood and definitely going to my favourites.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ohhhh such a beautiful memories , I love that the end is not really an "End" , like memories , they can gly to you and than go , never start or end .... lovely and sweet :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Applause! Very well done..simplistic yet clever. Took me back to childhood sitting here. I think most people have experience all of those things you described. This poem appeals to probably most everyone.

Nice work!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

AH -- your poem took me back many years, years that I have forgotten until I read your poem. Thank you Emily

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on April 7, 2008
Last Updated on August 20, 2009


Author

Emily B
Emily B

Richmond, KY



About
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