when our words run

old words

 

I remember you

your whispered half-questions

resembling the thoughts I almost had

on another cloudy day.

Your honest words filled me,

tempted me into flights of

unexplored consciousness

and step by step I ventured

farther from my own locked doors.

I wandered out alone

into bright, dead-of-day streets

full of my own possibilities

seized by my own fallibilities.

Some days I will meet the gaze

of the demons that haunt this world

but on others

when my self-fed fears are too much

I may need you to walk beside me.

Take my hand.

Your words are my strength.

Your strength is my hope.

My hope is your redemption.

We will save one another.

Reviews

[jcarlson33]

I think there is some striking symbolism in the "dead-of-day" line. Overall, the rhythm is incredibly immersive while still being broken up by the lines. "And step by step I ventured
farther from my own locked doors."
Something about that line really gives a nice brisk rhythm. Part of this poem seems like a biting angst within the speaker competing with the outer source of strength from a loved one. Well done.

[Emily B]

Thank you!

[Doug]

I remember you
your whispered half-questions
resembling the thoughts I almost had
on another cloudy day.

this makes me think of the instances in my life when i have known a person completely for the human being they were at that moment. whispered half questions... everyday.

beautiful.

[Tracie Skarbo]

when my self-fed fears are too much
I may need you to walk beside me.
Take my hand.
Your words are my strength.
Your strength is my hope.
My hope is your redemption.
We will save one another.

--I often think this of the great writers on this site. Many have let me look gently at fears and flaws, taking my hand and guiding the way. You seem to be one of these. Your poetry is profound...

[mick weller]

ah, such connection

[Collect-Eye]

This is where I got a little choked up..[maybe because I know what you go through and what I go through..]
"Some days I will meet the gaze of the demons that haunt this world;
but on others when my self-fed fears are too much, I may need you to walk beside me."
[I added punctuation just because I ran the lines together]

You alternate well between softness and boldness into his piece, so well in fact, that they often overlap and occupy the same space...I guess that's sort of the theme/juxtaposition between you and your muse. I'm just rambling..IDK what I'm talking. I'm crazy.

[Alisha Mark]

I think this is a good read, but I feel like some of the phrases used break up the flow of the piece. For example, "on another cloudy day." How does this phrase complete the sentence, or more-so benefit the piece as a whole? Does the fact that it's cloudy influence the piece? Do you only remember this person on cloudy days? And again, "your words are my strength. // Your strength is my hope. // My hope is your redemption." The over repetitive use of words is too cluttered. Suggestion: "your words are // My strength is my // Hope is your redemption." with emphasis on the words, it's a two by two play on the words.

I think this : "Your honest words filled me, // tempted me into flights of // unexplored consciousness // and step by step I ventured // farther from my own locked doors." should stand alone. This is such a powerful stanza and I feel like by running it together with the rest of the work, it's hidden.

Good read, look forward to more.

[Jibey]

Beautifully expressed thoughts about those tentative steps we take when we reach out of our comfort zones into the wider world... and when those demons grab our hearts, then a hand to hold can assure us in life's adventure...

[Alicante lullaby]

enchanting,,,,E,your sagacity and this honey flow,,,soothing like a Bangali song,,,this rhythm,,,you are a world of your own,,,,someday perhaps this utopia shall dominate all the ills,,,i wish i could creep deeper into you,,,,beautiful,

[TamiViolet]

I can't seem to stay away from your poetry, Emily, and always find my self reading you, checking your latest post. We are very blessed to have you among us, and this verse is no exception. Each of us has a voice, some days that voice thinks happy thoughts, other times it is desperate with pain, despair and loneliness....

And we help each other...

So magical is this write. 'I may need you to walk beside me./Take my hand./Your words are my strength./Your strength is my hope./My hope is your redemption./We will save one another.'

Thank you, Emily Burns.

[cest la vie]

Beautiful, Hopeful and so well written.

[deeps]

Your words are my strength.
Your strength is my hope.
My hope is your redemption.

I so loved thse words here. This is wonderful.
Your write is wonderful. I really like the apart of the demons
that haunt this world but on others. That is so true.