obsessed

Thoughts of her

gnaw at his focus

too persistently;

he finds himself

consumed

more and more

with her smile

with her voice.

He can't remember

when it started

or how it felt

before there were

thoughts of her.

He is drawn

by something

he can't name.

Consumed

with ideas

to maneuver

him nearer

the object of his desire.

Maybe today

will be the day.

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

A feeling I think we have all experienced on some level. I like the shorter choppier lines in this one, because it gets at the core of frenzied obssession quite well. The last two lines are beautiful and foreboding...perhaps the obssession will turn bad, perhaps it will be a happy ending; who is to know? Nicely done.

[Twizzler]

This is amazing! Great rhythm, it feels so real. You definitely do justice to the description of an obsession. I love this poem.

[Emily B]

wow! talk about a golden oldie, haven't been here for the longest time :) thank you

[p.kuhl]

"Consumed with ideas" is a really intense notion, I like it a lot. Good line breaks here, the rhythm is jarring but in a great way. Loved the last lines, maybe today will be the day!

[Art]

nice work...the obsession of one's desires can consume them so much that there is no reality...

[Tommy]

This captures the feeling during the fall so well, at least for me. I remember falling, and the thoughts of her consumed me, drove me, and moved me. I remember the day so well, when that longing feeling, of,

"Maybe today
will be the day"

was answered; it made my world...If only that moment could've lasted forever...

Great Write Emily!
RLG,
Tommy

[Crinkle°]

excellent.

[Larry Dyson]

oh sweet touches of her image
consumation.... being at the end...
consumed ...with ideas to maneuver
to attain

[Ramiz Ilham Khan]

It has a mysterious touch. Its crisp and the beginning is 'Legendary'

[Donald Paris]

You've a got a real good start to something here. One thing that I would love to see is a like more imagery. You could have a great hook to catch a reader with in the first couple of lines combined with an image. i.e.

"Thoughts of her gnaw at his focus".
Like a(n) _______ at a(n) ______.

That would just hook a reader. That's a real good starting line. Gnaw is such a strong word.

Overall, real good start here, just a few images and you've got a winner.

[raining]

the "honest-er" it gets the more it finds.