A child that never been born

this poem is about my miscarrige that happened a few weeks ago

She/He never had love

never been alive

she/he was taken by god

was only here for 6 weeks and died

 

everynight I cry

hoping she/he was here

I should've tried

but I failed for she/he to be near

 

why is it this way?

I wanted someone to love

Someone that would stay

someone from above

 

I wanted that child to be

I wish I could hold

keep her/she love near me

but the days were cold

 

could only pray

wait for the perfect moment

and hope she/he would stay

Reviews

[Draven]

I have always dreamed of having a little girl. My little Rosalie. I feel like I know her already, and I love her so much. The though of losing her makes me tremble. Of all the gifts in life which we as mortals can recieve, a child is the greatest. To lose one is perhaps the greatest torment.

[ValyrieKiennan]

Powerful and emotional subject. However, I do feel that there is some awkward phrasing here and there, as well as grammatical errors that could be improved upon. For example, in the first lines, it would be "she/he (which could be replaced with a more gender neutral "they") never had love, never drew breath/was alive". This would be more grammatically correct, and would also improve the sense of flow within the piece overall. Changes of this nature could make this poem an extremely memorable one! I look forward to seeing what you do with it.

Cheers,

VK

[ÅŁєxx ..]

I love this poem but now im worried im only 5 week's pregnant
and i hope i dont lose he or she

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

awes im sorry :/

[deaths calling]

i like the poem and there might be a second chance

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

ya I hope so

[Lino Rie]

:*(

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

:/

[Diasha]

I'm so sorry. . . I know how much it can hurt.
Your poem was amazing, I can really feel the emotion...
i almost cried *holds in tears*

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

thank you so much for the review

[Diasha]

Your welcome ^^

[Renée]

You expressed it so well.. and I am so sorry.. I know your pain.. just know that little one knew love because of you..

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

thanks you so much

[Renée]

(( hugs))

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarri..]

i really feel the sorrow in this one
But I think the 4th stanza, line 3 need rephrase
"himher"

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

okay thanks :D

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

thank you for writing

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

:) your welcome

[Whiskurz]

A truly Heartbreaking piece my friend.....Whisk

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

ya

[Nate]

T-T wipes tears away

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

thanks :)