suicide devil

suicide devil

A Poem by Janice Fronek(red.panda)
"

this about someone that was taken over controlled by there feelings and end up into suicide thoughts

"

Falling in suicide

Hate burns in love

Becoming one divide

Tears fall from above

What’s there to hide?

Showing to prove

One do not provide

You’re one to love

Ask for forgiveness

To sounds of broken tears

Could never be mistaken

Words couldn’t hear

My thoughts were taken

By one I fear

We come one as we waken

Over taken the years

Darkness becoming me

Who I was, was gone

This suicide devil couldn’t be

My life is done

Light I couldn’t see

I wasn’t strong

Now I’m gone

Disappearing from light

Never could be replace

Mistaking what’s right

Could never embrace

Could never fight

A life I couldn’t face

Trying will all my might

Couldn’t get enough space

© 2012 Janice Fronek(red.panda)


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Reviews

Impressive I myself thought about this once and then I thought why not take all of the darkness and make something out of it. Thus Phantom was born.

Corrections or changes i would make:
The last stanza where you have 'Never could be replace' I think the last word should be replaced. Also 'Could never embrace' maybe try restructring the entire line and say Could never be embraced again, or add the word To at the start of it.

Again these are temporary corrections of what I see but as any writer on here would tell you people could give you all the critque's in the world but ultimately it comes down to the writer itself... You. Other than that this is a very Impressive piece of work Janice. You are a very good writer and I cant wait to read more of your work in the future.

-Writer *78*

Posted 11 Years Ago


Writer *78*

11 Years Ago

your welcome you havent talked to me in a while :[
Janice Fronek(red.panda)

11 Years Ago

I'm sorry I'm been busy with homework I'm trying to get my grades up
Writer *78*

11 Years Ago

thats ok then
When your self-esteem is low or you are feeling far from yourself, I think that your line-"becoming one divide", says ALOT. Your emotions show in this piece, but in a cryptic way, as in one tired of trying to explain to those who aren't listening, anyway. Great write!

Posted 11 Years Ago


Janice Fronek(red.panda)

11 Years Ago

thanks
It's a very good poem and I love it, it's chalked full of emotion that are dark. (In my sense). But sweetie suicide is never the awnser, we have to climb our mountians and fight our battles. We can't just give up, because if we do we might miss out on something beautiful. :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


Janice Fronek(red.panda)

11 Years Ago

thanks :)
good write angel. i'm just going to call you angel cuz it makes sense since you call me beautiful. hope you don't mind. i love emotional deep poems like this :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


Janice Fronek(red.panda)

11 Years Ago

okay thanks :)
beautiful dreamer

11 Years Ago

your very welcome :)
very emotional poem, lots of meaning in it. Good write i love it!

-shelbs ^_^

Posted 11 Years Ago


Janice Fronek(red.panda)

11 Years Ago

thanks :)
this is very emotionally written. like you couldn't ever do anything right. I really like this poem, and I hope that it's just a poem. keep writing, you're really good!
-Chesney Chey(:

Posted 11 Years Ago


Janice Fronek(red.panda)

11 Years Ago

thanks :)
empathy more than i can say, it was a very emotionally traumatic to read as im sure it was to write, you express such dark feelings with such easy and grace its almost like an oxymoron the rhyme hakes this seem fluid making the feelings that come out of this poem seem definite which made it all the more to read. i loved it.

hope you see better days =)

-Roshan

Posted 11 Years Ago


Janice Fronek(red.panda)

11 Years Ago

thanks :)
Wonderful write.
I know you are around 16 y.o.
Do you think thought of suicide takes control at such age?
What can be done to neutralize thought or intent of suicide among the teens?
100/100

Posted 11 Years Ago


zainul

11 Years Ago

Thank you amazing poet!
The devil is around to misguide all of the humankind.
All of us .. read more
Janice Fronek(red.panda)

11 Years Ago

:)
zainul

11 Years Ago

:)
I love this is has a lot of meaning to it.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Janice Fronek(red.panda)

11 Years Ago

thanks :)
unshakenScene

11 Years Ago

yup np:)
'My thoughts were taken, By one I fear'
'Trying will (with?) all my might, Couldn't get enough space'
-These are my favorite lines. I liked this, even if it's dark. Good job.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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13 Reviews
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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on May 22, 2012
Last Updated on May 23, 2012

Author

Janice Fronek(red.panda)
Janice Fronek(red.panda)

antigo, WI



About
Hello there my name is Janice Fronek. I had been writing for five years now and I had been very successful in writing. I am very over protective of my writing and the format that I write in. My favo.. more..

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