That Deadly Siren

A recently widowed young bride is making her goodbyes to her husband. Thanks to James A. for suggesting a better title.

“Are you done crying, Dear?” asks Theresa in a soft voice.

Angela is sitting on the sofa. Her mother, Theresa, ex-cop, is by her side, holding her hands. The twenty-year-old young woman has been crying her eyes out all morning. She’s quiet now. She raises her head and dabs at her red-rimmed eyes with a white lacy handkerchief.

“No, I’m resting,” she whispers. 

Angela had only been married a month when the Grim Reaper (Grimmy, to his friends) claimed her 80-year-old husband’s soul, two days ago. There he lies, , dead to the world, supine on the threadbare Persian carpet he bought last year from Tunisia. Members of the family and a few friends are scattered about the living room, whispering, sipping wine and snickering behind their hands.

 

Angela heaves a sigh. As if on queue, the door bell goes “DING! DING!” (the “DONG” stopped working since the poor man died.) The maid opens the door and ushers two men in. One is fat and sports a ridiculously small moustache, just a smudge under his nose; and the other is thin, with droopy eyelids and a fixed smile. They’re the undertakers, come to take George.

As they’re struggling with the stiff corpse of the deceased, endeavouring to put him in the carved mahogany coffin, the freshly widowed lady launches into a new fit of sobbing. Mother Theresa (what? Should I call her Father Theresa, instead?) puts her arm around her daughter’s shoulders, “There, there!” 

George’s wig slips off his bald pate and his brother (half brother, actually, as his father had married a Vietnamese girl who.. but that’s another story) delicately places it on the man’s chest. Angela is horrified and jumps up, declaring that her husband has never left the house bare headed. She rushes to the bedroom to fetch George's denture adhesive. She knows he always kept it near the Viagra box. 

“Just a tiny drop”, she says over her shoulder, “and the problem is fixed”. 

When she comes back, however, the wig is in place and the men are marching towards the door. One of them, the fat one, I think, tells her: “That’s alright, Madam, we found a thumb tack on the table.” 

She stares at them, pop-eyed in mute dismay.

 

The undertakers march out followed by Angela and her mother. The bereaved young lady’s face is hidden behind a black veil. She holds on to her mother’s arm as if afraid she might collapse. Everyone else files out and gets into their cars. Mother Theresa opens the black Mercedes door and pushes her daughter's head down. "Watch the head, Dear!" She, then, goes round and gets in next to her. The hearse pulls out at a slow pace and the procession follows.

 

Mother Theresa takes her daughter’s hand. “Tell me, darling,” asks mother Theresa, “what happened? I thought he had a good constitution.”

“It was his heart, mother. But he was such a wonderful man. He was considerate, affectionate, caring, soft-hearted, which is probably what killed him.” She sighs audibly. 

“Sunday was his favourite day as we used to make love to the sound of the church bell.” Her eyes tear up again. 

“He would still be alive if that damn fire engine hadn’t gone past.”

Reviews

[LastMonth]

You should be telling stories all day, every day.
You're so god damn good at it.

I kinda wish you messed up once so I would have something else to write here,
But every review is pretty much the same.

Hahaha.
Good Twist.
Well written.
Snarky comments fit well.

Well, here's another boring review for another excelllent story woods.

[Woody]

absolutely not boring at all, my friend. on the contrary, mucho flattering. thanks a ton (?). see, I'm running out of novel thanks. very kind of you and I'm bloody happy you think so highly of my writes. but I assure you there is a handful of which I'm not proud. I don't want to remove them. I believe I have improved with time and thanks to good, consciencious reviewers.

[Shannon]

Tack to keep the hair piece on! And the naughty twist. Well foreshadowed, as well!

[Woody]

well that damn twist seems to have eluded quite a few readers.
thank you for stopping to read, Dear :)

[Shannon]

I am pretty clever I guess 😉

[Woody]

I never doubted that :))

[Shannon]

Lol. Thanks!

[James]

What a way to die. I especially like the thought of the 8o-year-old and his viagra (old dog). That damn fire engine and it's deadly bells.

Should have entitled it "Those Deadly Bells"

[Woody]

hahahaha now why haven't I thought of that title? I'm going to change that because, as it is, the ending is apparently kinda vague.
thanks doubly my friend. much appreciated.

[James]

Does this mean I can consider myself a co-author?

[Woody]

absolutely! I'll have to mention your name :)

[barleygirl]

I love everything about your stellar storytelling here, but I'm afraid I'm not catching the double meaning in the last line. Maybe I need another cup of coffee. This story is filled with funny asides & fun details. It always amazes me how descriptive your writing is, in between the nonsense! Thanks for always providing a soft place to fall after a grueling stint of reviewing the more serious stuff! *smile*

[Woody]

when I manage to make a native speaker smile that means I'm doing it right :)
thank you Dear. you're so sweet.

[...]

You are so damn cute, Woody lololol Angela lol, Mother Theresa ex cop, Grimmy...DONG! laughing...............How can someone so sweet, be sooo bad :-) I do love your funny imagination and clever wit...and big kind heart :)

[Woody]

haha I can count on you to make my day, Dear. needless to say, there's absolutely no malice in my writing. I do have fun writing them and look forward to seeing readers enjoy them.
a bucketful of thanks. so glad it made you laugh :)))

[Valentine]

You are a witty riot. Another great read from the master of wit. Laughing. Kathie

[Woody]

oh my! the master of wit. too much honour. thank you very much Kathie. always such a pleasure to make you laugh.

[Tiana]

Oh Woody! I simply adored this wonderful story! You tapped into my emotions -- from sadness to laughter :) Enjoyed your story a lot :)

[Woody]

thank you very much IW. my writes are never meant to sadden the reader. (black humour?)
I'm certainly glad you laughed in the end :)

[Tiana]

I did! lol I loved it! Always a pleasure to read you :)

[Wayne Rockmore]

Great, bizarre details. Very odd and funny, bearing that stamp of your other work, your signature style and humor, which seem to have no bounds. Lol. Goodbye My Love is terrific and very funny. You certainly have a very distinct artistic voice. Your work is not likely to be mistaken for someone else's, and I mean that as the highest complement. Excellent!

[Woody]

awfully nice of you Wayne. I'm flattered and elated that you enjoyed this bizarre tale as much as I did writing it. thank you very much.

[Amy Rose]

That was beautiful, Woody. your writing gets better everyday!! what a beautiful ending to the story, magnificent!

[Woody]

ooh thank you very much Amy. I'm glad you thought this beautiful. but I think you'lllike the two latest poems better :)

[MomzillaNC]

Hilarious :)

[Woody]

thanks heaps Dear. happy that you liked it.

[MomzillaNC]

yw :)